I was doing ok!

I was doing ok, really I was….. until the woman sitting next to me in choir suddenly asks, “November 20^th will be the 5 year mark for you, won’t it?”

Me- “How did you know that?”( I don’t even know who she is.)

Her – “ My son’s birthday is November 20^th, and he knew Josh”.  I can’t breathe! There is no air left in lungs for what seems like an eternity, but is likely a mere second or two.

I kept it together in choir by making fun of a song we’ll sing in church with the words ding dong in it.   “I’m not going to hell for singing ding dong in church am I?”  A moment of relief to laughter! 

Practice is over.  I love to sing and have recently rediscovered my love, but tonight I want out of my skin, I want out of this space!  I walked towards the exit and a church friend greets me.  “This is your bad week,  isn't it? Let’ pray as she grabs both my hands into hers!”  “God Grant this Gracious Woman strength during this very hard week. “
Tears are forming in the corner of my eyes. This is an act of love, but it hurts so much.

Brad notices when I get home and wants to know what’s up.  Nothing!

It’s my wedding anniversary first.  I’m going to celebrate with great thanks the 24 years of marriage to my mountain man.  I gotta hold on!

Distraction – texting the girls.  They are both responding tonight.  Well, that distracted me about 15 minutes. Only a gazillion more to go.

The heaviness is there.  I feel it, I see it!  Nothing around me has changed, but my heart knows, it has told my head and had told my entire body to revolt!

Who goes 5 years without hugging or seeing their child? 

What kind of mother does that? 

I see her in the mirror!  The mother who woke up one Saturday morning expecting to stain a fence with her little boy and found him lost to SUDEP.

Epilepsy sucks! My desire is simple, I want my son back!!!

Drinking Naked

Brad and I are trying to approach this Premature Empty Nesting with an open mind.  Last Spring I took golf lessons so I could join him on the golf course.  So far, we have been hitting some of the local PAR 3 “easy” courses as I learn the game.  Our approaches are very different, but it works for us.  Brad is very strategic with his range distant tools and relies on the perfect club, with the perfect form.  Me?  I usually go like this…. driver, 7, 9, chipper, putter.  Distance is not a factor.  If I change it up, it's because I get bored using the same ones over and over again.  A Par 3 means you are supposed to hit the ball into the hole in 3 hits, so I’m averaging 7 hits per hole and I'm ok with that.  Now, where’s the beer boy?  Maybe that will help my game.

My promising golf career was temporarily sidelined two weeks ago after  I did my usual awesome and powerful swing directly into the hard ground.   The golf club bent back, and so did my thumb.  When I  heard a “crack” and felt instant pain, I knew I was in trouble.  I whined for the last three holes, and Brad did his best to distract me with his offers to stomp on my foot to help take my mind off my thumb.  Thanks honey!

 There have been some good things brought about from my injury.  It has definitely given me the respect of  the “good ole boys club” at work.  “Could you open this water bottle for me?  I have a golf injury”  as I point to my thumb.  “Could you please repeat? I can’t write very well because of my golf injury”.  Dang, and all this time, I thought it took short skirts and high shoes to get their attention.  Ladies, we have it all wrong.  Who knew?!

Golf is out for now, but the weather is still awesome so Brad and I  had to find something else to do while my golf injury heals. 

We live less than an hour away from the Shenandoah Valley, so when Brad came up with the suggestion of heading out to the infamous Skyline Drive to see the fall color, I was jumping in that passenger seat.  The day showed great promise until we discovered 5 miles of cars filled with folks also waiting to get on Skyline.  It quickly became apparent Brad was losing his patience, and looking for other options. 

What to do?   Oh genie in the phone, please help me!  My wonderful smart phone suggested we Drink Naked! I made the suggestion to Brad, and he couldn’t turn the car around fast enough.  A few moments down a beautiful country windy road lined with beautiful yellow and reds, and we turned into Naked Mountain Winery.

 

 

At first, we noticed all the young people, young groups, couples, families, then as neared the tasting bar, we noticed  the couples like us.  Couples making memories now that the kiddos are out of the house.  We probably looked just as normal to them as they did to us, but I can tell you, we are not liking this next chapter at all.  In fact, I’d say we have regressed in our grief of losing Josh, and now both girls are on their own.  We just suck it up, and try to make the best of it. 

After Drinking Naked, we walked back to the car hand and hand, and took the long picturesque way home winding through the plantations, horse farms and majestic color. The colors were magical.   This journey has  shown  me  that life isn’t easy, and to make it through, you need to remain open minded and see how life unfolds.  You may have a plan, but it may be Plan B that takes over.

As if on cue, Stephi texted and wanted to know what we did all day.  My response? “We drank naked today”.   My daughter knows humor is how I cope, and I’m sure her eyes were rolling, but it made her smile, and hearing from her made me smile too!

 Blessed are those who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.  ~Unknown

 May you find beauty in every challenge!

Hugs!

Sherri

 

Not Me!

When I was growing up, my brother and I would do all kinds of stupid kid things;  Soon after, mom would come in and ask, "Who did it?"  (Who left the toys out, forgot to close the front door letting all the animals run amok?)   We would both yell out “NOT ME!”   She would roll her eyes, and send us off to corral the wild animals ....an old barking Miniature Schnauzer, who loved to be scratched behind the ears, and two cats so vicious they were known to cuddle up to you and fall asleep.

When I had my own children, the accusations continued, but from a new source...the man who claimed he loved me!  “Who forgot to close the door?”  Not Me!, it must have been one of the kids.  “Who left their bowl in the sink?” Not Me! It must have been one of the kids.  Who left the oven turned on?  Not Me!  It must have been our 3 year old.  Ooops! Grrr, trick question....Ya caught me!

Who forgot to close the dryer so the baby couldn't play in it?  NOT ME!

Last year when he yelled, “Who forgot to turn off the hallway light?  You’re wastin’ resources!”   I responded, Not Me!  Must have been Stephi!



I just LOVE shoes!   I can hide toys in them,  or steal them.

The last several days Brad has been out of town, so it’s just been me, Stealth Kitty and Yankee.  It has been a bit of an awakening.  I came home from work, and found the closet door open, and the light on, leaving full shoes access to an ornery cat.  Can Stealth Kitty reach the light switch?  Nope.  Does he know how to open door knobs?  Still No!

The next morning, I went downstairs to my usual morning spot and found a cereal bowl with dried cereal crumbs laced around it.  I looked around….no kids, no Brad, Yankee doesn’t eat cereal. Who do I accuse, to whom do I deny?  Grrrr, I have to admit it, it’s me!

It’s hard for me to admit to these, and even harder to admit I'm missing my Newmanettes. 

Everyone keeps asking me how I’m doing now that we’re Premature Empty Nesters, and I keep telling them, "I'm fine, I'm too busy to notice".  Am I one of those parents feeling a bit lost? NOT ME!  I  finally sat quietly for a few minutes back to back, and it didn’t take long for me to miss them like crazy!  I texted my sister of another mother and told her I needed a drink.  She immediately called and said, “I don’t want you to drink alone, so I’m having a drink with you” and we leaned on one another and our losses for a little while.  She is also an empty nester, and she is very much grieving the recent death of her beloved Professor Hottie, so she understands how I am very much grieving my Joshie, and the bittersweet joy of watching my girls on their life adventures!  After a little while, I felt much better!

My sisters of other mothers

The one thing I am learning in this journey, is life isn't for wussies, and I am so thankful  I have been given wonderful people in my life.  Even though I am obviously prideful, there is one thing I don’t mind denying. ...

Who is walking alone in life's journey?  NOT ME!

Yes, I have acknowledged some bad habits, but I don’t want to take away Brad’s reason for living, so I’m sure I will continue to  leave lights on, doors open, oven turned on, put ice cream in the fridge…shhhhh, sometimes I do it on purpose.     


 

Friendship improves happiness and abates misery, by the doubling of our joy and the dividing of our grief.  ~ Marcus Tullius Cicero

HUGS,

Sherri

Empty Nestin - Decorating

Decorating has been my distraction lately.  Now that the girls are off to college, I’m looking at their rooms with fresh eyes.  Since they took most of their stuff with them, I need to make their rooms cute again. 

Britt’s room was pretty easy,  all I had to do was walk around my house and grab a few things, such as the lovely bottles left to us by Brad’s grandmother, a huge starfish from a long ago Bahamas trip, some great seashells, and voila.  Beachy Bedroom!
 

  


Stephi’s room still has a lot of her stuff, but there are gaps.  I was sitting there when one of her garden photos grabbed my attention.  THAT’S IT!!  I'll use Stephi’s GARDEN PHOTOS! 

Stephi is a great amateur photographer with a great eye!  I love her work so much there are several on the walls throughout our house.  Here are two I want to put on her walls.

 
 
I kept walking by, and finally opened the door to Joshua’s room.  We’ve changed little things over the last 3 ½ years, but it's still Josh.   Since it is the largest kids bedroom, with a large bed, his room has always been our guest room.  That meant throwing Josh out from time to time, but he didn’t mind. 

These days, I keep wondering if we should leave it as the room of a "forever 12 year old boy", or update it a bit like we have updated the girls rooms. 

I would like to make it welcoming and peaceful, though I don’t know if that’s possible; The four of us are split on what to do.

 
I looked at Peyton Manning's jersey!  Josh was such a huge  Peyton Manning fan.  He wrote how happy he was to get to see Peyton and the Colts play the Washington Redskins. 

I’m so happy Josh and Brad had that night together!  When we lose a love one, we tend to hone in on regrets.  In this case, we got something right.

As it should, although I object at times, life has moved on around us, and so has Peyton who is now a Denver Bronco.  I changed Joshua's Colts bedspread right after his funeral, which was pretty traumatic for all of us.  Last week, I changed the window valance to match the bedding, which  I admit, brought on some anxiety on my part. 

After all of this, there was still one thing I just had to do!  Something was missing.….a Broncos banner.  I went online and ordered a pennant to go on the wall opposite of the Colts banner. 

Who knew how emotional it would be to fill these three rooms?!  Just yesterday, it seems,  I was getting after the Newmanettes to keep a path clear from bed to door. 

Oh how I miss the messes, the smells, and the sounds!
  
 I sat down on the edge of the bed after I tacked the banner on the wall, and found my eyes full of the tears I couldn't stop, but when they finally did stop, I stood up, put fresh sheets on the bed, and thanked God that there are three rooms that hold treasures and memories of my three children.


“A child enters your home and for the next twenty or so years makes so much noise you can hardly stand it. Then the child departs, leaving the house so silent you think you are going mad.” -- John Andrew Holmes

Hugs,

Sherri

How Do I?

 I’ve been writing down my thoughts over the holidays, but nothing seems to gel.  This  journey I find myself on is far from easy to share, or even describe, but there are growing moments of light in the darkness. 

How do I describe the feelings that go through my mind when someone calls with the sad news that yet another young one has died and they ask “Could you help the family?”  

How do I share the happiness when I see Stephi's face as she opens the UNCW logo sweatshirt from Britt (Stephi's chosen university); or the special warmth that comes from watching an entire congregation lift their lit candles into the darkness as they sing “Silent Night” and then I see a young boy holding up a glow stick and my heart sinks because I know how much my own little boy would love to be doing that?  It suddenly occurs to me my little boy would be a 15 year old teen holding a candle….

How do I share going through the holiest of holidays emotionally neutral because my children are growing up, and my youngest one whose passion for Christmas was contagious isn’t here anymore?  Then I wonder.... would he still be so passionate? 

How do I share how much I love to go sit on my daughters’ beds and just be a fly on the wall with them and their thoughts but when I step into the bedroom between theirs, I become a puddle of grief as I look around at a room full of Joshua's things? What would it look like now?  Would there be sports themed clothes strewn on the floor?  Would there be more trophies on the shelf?  Cologne on the dresser top? 

How after sitting in his room I go downstairs and instantly find myself laughing that belly laugh of old because both daughters are playfully taunting their father? 

How do I share those moments that occur, out of the blue when the death mask from that ugly Saturday morning in 2010 enters my thoughts and my whole body wracks with tears and desperation once again?

How I then wake up in the morning ready to bake Pillsbury cinnamon rolls, brew some coffee and sit down next to a purring cat and watch the lights of heaven show brightly through the clouds and blue sky?

How a bottle (or two) of wine with friends, and resting my head on the shoulder of my mountain man brings happiness?

How I am such a mess, and miss my son so much it physically aches, but I am becoming more and more able to find the light and wonder in the day? 

How I keep fighting for my life, love my God and am truly glad I’m here?

I share it with you!

HUGS!
Sherri

“The great thing to remember is that though our feelings come and go God's love for us does not.”
― C.S. Lewis

Twinkle twinkle

Our little Christmas tree is up and spinning.  I hope it keeps twinkling and spinning;  I took extraordinary measures to keep Stealth kitty away.  I put pinecones under the tree because someone said cats don't like the feel of them, I sprayed STAY AWAY on the branches, and lathered Vaseline on the light wires per recommendations from Facebook friends.  Word to the wise Stealth Kitty...stay away from those wires.

The tree was today's only achievement even though I stayed home from work;  I wasn’t sick, just incredibly tired after Joshua's 5K.

Doctors warn that grief causes energy levels to bottom out, and stamina, becomes a memory.  I have found that to be true for us.  We’re three years into this journey and both Brad and I start clock watching at 9:00 pm waiting for 10:00 to hit so we can fall asleep without disgrace.

When the big dates come around like Joshua's birthday and Angelversary, or the epilepsy/sudep events are over, I find myself ready to collapse.  It’s usually not the day after the event, but a couple of days later once the adrenalin wears off!

Today was that day!  I woke up to take a shower and then I just knew I needed to hit the covers again and sleep.  When I woke up a couple of hours later,  I put up the little tree we decorate with White House ornaments and patriotic ornaments, dressed up the stairwell in ribbons and bows and set up my newest decoration.

I'm trying.....See if you can tell what I’m seeking this Christmas Season.

 

Hugs,

Sherri

 

What's the Greatest Chapter in Your Book?

I tend to think of my life as chapters......happy childhood, typical teens, college, marriage, motherhood.  Before we lost Josh I would often greet people with “Welcome to the first day of the rest of your life”.  Now, it just doesn’t seem the same, though I think it did slip out of my mouth once last week...first time in 2 1/2 years.

One of the coolest things I remember a few years ago was a segment  on "Sunday Morning" called Everybody Has a Story.  Twice a month journalist Steve Hartman would travel to some spontaneous place, find a phone book, pick a name, head off to meet the person, and with the magic of television, a name in a book became a beautiful story that would unfold before all the TV watchers like me.  There was never a story that didn’t keep me riveted to the TV.

http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-500617_162-6083832.html

Mr. Hartman reminded me that everyone has a story;   everyone has a book of life.  There’s even reference in the Bible of a Book of Life that God keeps on each and every one of us.  Think about it for a second, our lives are so important that God Himself keeps a record of it.

Soooo, I’ve been thinking a bit about “the next chapter of my life”.  It's probably because we’re driving out to Oklahoma to set Britt up in her apt. …her very first home.  What’s worse is she has no plans to return home to Virginia…..Oklahoma has become her home, her life is there.   Ughhhhh…darn those independent, strong children we are raising. 

Class of 2014, 2012 and 2017

 

To add to it all, I gotta sit down and help select Stephi's Senior Class Photo.   My middle child is a high school Senior.....what's more, she's talking about a college that has her interest.  At least it’s not 21 hours away.  After months of wondering what she wanted to do, she is finally step closer.  Can I get a Yay?!

But truth be told, it's probably because this next chapter is coming way too early.  I’m supposed to have four more years before I move onto the next chapter.  My last graduation is supposed to be 2017, not 2014. 

So what to do when there is a twist in the storyline?   Honestly, I have no idea!!!! And that’s ok.

I thought I was doing pretty good…a pretty interesting read, and then the bottom dropped out and Josh died suddenly.  The last couple of years are pretty dark.

True to form, I heard a song recently that got me to thinkin….

What's the greatest chapter in your book?
Are there pages where it hurts to look?
What's the one regret you can't work through?

(Mine would be You- written by Blake Shelton)

I’m realizing the rest of the pages are blank just waiting for the words of life to be written upon them. 

Let there be pages of fun, pages of happiness, pages of sadness, and let me respect the pages of quiet tears.

Hugs!

Sherri

Sometimes Ya Need a Little Home

Brad and I recently ran up to my hometown of Canton, Ohio to play tourists for a few hours while the girls chilled with the grandparental units. 



William McKinley Monument, Canton, Ohio

If you have lived in an area for a really long time you should definitely play tourist for the day!

Remember all those field trips as a child?   For me and it was President William McKinley’s monument!  I have passed the dome in recent years without a second thought other than "Oh, there's McKinley's really cool lookin' monument."  It was time to go see it again.

Studly Mountain Man ready and waiting

President McKinley's monument is a pretty busy workout hub it seems;  It must be those 108 steps leading up to the monument that draws the fitness gangs.  Always up for the challenge, Brad and I ran the steps with that "I can do anything attitude", much like the little engine that could. Yep, we were pretty much channeling Rocky when he ran all those steps to the top to prepare for the big fight. When we reached the top Brad was ready for more, I was too busy looking for an oxygen tank.

Me wishing studly man would carry me down.

The McKinley Museum had a great collection of Victorian era photos from both DC, my adopted home, and Canton, my birth home.  Looking through the exhibit started out so innocently, and then the triggers began to hit.  We saw the pictures of two adorable children, and learned the McKinley’s were bereaved parents; They lost two daughters early in life.  It was specially noted that Mrs. McKinley never fully recovered from their loss, suffered from depression, and was diagnosed with epilepsy.  Ughhhh, there it is…the dreaded "E-word!" 

The fact that she had no surviving children and was able to be a wonderful first lady is an  incredible feat to me.  Not only was she able to do so much more than breathe in and out, she was able to be a pillar of strength to our nation when she became our widowed First Lady, following the President's assassination.  Amazing respect would best express my feelings.

Many of the familiar Canton landmarks I grew up with are now bulldozed memories, and you can see life is definitely tough here in a town once deeply rooted in steel and vacuum industries.  Nowhere was it more apparent then when we stopped by the church I grew up in.  The majestic red brick building with tall pillars too wide to get your arms around, was once so full of families and children.   Today, it is a shell of its former splendor; The parsonage where I lived with my family for a year, was recently sold to cover church debt, and the sanctuary which once held hundreds has dwindled to a membership of 30 clinging to their faith and their church.  The new parsonage owner, noticed me peering in the window and shared with me their current situation. 

Talk about making lemonade from lemons....even in tough times, they have welcomed a group of Romanian  immigrants in need of faith nurturing, and have given them a place to worship at their side.  They may be separated by language, but when the preacher preaches, and the translator translates, they all understand God’s love.

We were soon heading to the next thing on our list... Putt Putt Golf!  The course I chose is one I've been playing since I was child so maybe I had a little bit of an advantage...maybe.  Brad commented that I was much better on this course than I normally am. Hmmmmm, was that a compliment?  Of course I am....it’s not straight and narrow courses I like, but the swirly, upside downs and curvy ones where I do my best work.  Guess it best describes my life too.

After I kicked my future pro golfer's butt….a time or two, we stopped in to see  my BFF's mom to say hi.  Don’t ya just love visiting the parents of your best buds who love you and use terms of endearment such as “second daughter?” 

Brad drove me over to my high school  for a high school reunion meeting, stole my new cool phone to go play games, and  I met with four classmates aka "The Reunion Committee."   A few years ago, I picked up the reunion planning notebook and have been one of the planners every five years ever since. In an hour, we had a plan, so it was time to head back to mom and dad's.

Exhausted from our adventures, I managed to stay awake in the car, but fell asleep before my head hit the pillow exhausted but content...a cherished feeling these days.  Sometimes ya just need a little home.

Sometimes you just need a little home
A little "hey, you’ve been gone way too long"
Yeah, way too long
No matter how grown up you get
Oh, no matter how far you roam
Sometimes you just need a little home
Home sweet home!

 

~"A Little Home" Sung by Rascal Flatts

Hugs!
Sherri

 

 

Peanut Butter & Jelly

Brittany has returned to school, and is doing well…she’s back in the college saddle again; Brad is off on travel for work all week; Stephi is fully immersed in her wonderful annual choir Broadway Night practice, so she comes home just in time to crawl into bed every night this week.

This means I’m sitting in my big comfy seat, with a lovely fire warming my toes as I watch my current TV show obsessions. The beauty is I don't even have to worry that my TV choice is keeping someone from watching their football games, teenage soaps, or cartoons.

I’m don't even have to worry about feeding anyone, myself included.  As the mother of three young children close in age, the hustle and bustle of life made life chaotic....I truly found the rare quiet night much like tonight a real treat.  Still with all this, I'm desperately wishing it was a Josh and Me night. 

When the girls were off at school or with friends, it would be Josh and me at home.... He was always such a sweetheart during these times without his sisters to aggravate. We both enjoyed "our time" so much.

If Josh were still here with me and he realized we had the house to ourselves, I have little doubt that he would be up here asking for chair time, and talking about life as seen through the eyes of a 14 year old boy. sigh....I’m getting to the point in my grief where I am starting to change those pangs of missing what can't be to remembering my three Newmanettes as little children.

My mind wanders back as I eat my dinner of peanut butter and jelly. PB&J was a Newman food staple. Yes, I nourished my children’s growing bodies with peanut butter and jelly. At first it was sliced into four triangles with crust, then it was four triangles without crust, then we discovered a tool that cuts the bread and seals the sandwich in a circle. Oh rapture, oh bliss….our little bit of heaven on earth through the eyes of three Newmanettes. Josh then took it one step further when he fell in love with Uncrustables. .... Peanut butter and jelly sealed circle sandwiches in a box.

Such a little thing to make someone smile!

My mind returns back to the moment at hand and for a moment I can smile.

Oh the beauty of little things and oh how I miss them!

 ~Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things. – Robert Brault

 

Hugs,

Sherri

 

Anniversary versus Angelversary

I have been feeling a bit off all day.    It finally occurred to me that two years ago today...a Tuesday, my family of five celebrated our wedding anniversary at Chik Fila after an evening of fun. It was Kids' Night  and there was a music man and dancing kids. I remember looking over at our three kids chatting in the booth and thinking how lucky I am and how much I love the life I've been given.

I'm glad I didn't know then what I know now.  That four days later I would lose my youngest to epilepsy.  That I would miss my baby boy every moment of every day and a life goal would be to survive...to persevere.

It was just a normal family night with a normal family and I am so thankful I had that.

Now that we are in Angelversary territory, I have to watch my schedule very carefully and be prepared for a quick escape should the ambush from heartbreak hit.  There's no fooling the body.  The heart just has to take over and make the body do its' bidding.

What's also interesting is my 21st wedding anniversary on Friday.  I feel mixed about it....  On one hand, I love my Brad and am so thankful he has held me, stood next to me and is growing old next to me.  As friends and families continue to disintegrate under the stresses of life, I continue to look at ours and realize how wonderful it is that I have truly found my soul mate. 

On the other hand, four days later is the worst day of the year.  Joshua's Angelversary.  I'm sure someday it will not bother me as much as it does now with the close proximity of our anniversary to his death as joy seems to eventually win over despair , but for now we will just try to stay in the moment, enjoy a night together and then brace for the week ahead.

If ever there was a time for prayer... please keep us in your prayers over the next week.  It's gonna be a hard one!

When a 5K is named after your son

It's really happening.....the 1st Annual Joshua Newman Memorial 5K Run/Walk.  Two of Joshua's classmates wanted to organize this event for their Girl Scout Bronze Award, the highest honor a Girl Scout Junior can achieve because they were so deeply affected by the loss of their classmate, neighbor and friend.  Several neighbors had been holding a casual after Thanksgiving 5K run and together with our girl scouts they approached Brad and I for permission to make this an event to honor Josh and raise SUDEP awareness.

Our response was an immediate and unanimous yes! We truly feel we want to do what we can so another parent/loved one doesn't walk in and find their sweet ones lost to SUDEP.  We could walk away and live our lives as they are, but dear God how can we?  This is such a devastating thing to live through...it will be part of our day to day lives for the next 30+ years...I do not want another family trying to live through this.

Let's just get it out in the open...no matter how awesome and meaningful the event, it is strange to see my child's name on a memorial event.  I would much rather have him here as only a funny neighborhood boy everyone knows and waves to.  I'd would much rather ask him if he would like to walk with me around the block, or in the Shenandoah instead of coordinating efforts to organize a walk to raise awareness to the challenges of epilepsy.

 

It has truly helped  me to see friends and family take the event flyers and share our event with their friends.  The love they show is incredible.  I keep saying that we are doing this because of  Love!  We love Josh!!!  We love him so much that even after his death, we want to do something special for him.

During a sad moment, I even reached out to an old hometown acquaintance who has a lot more experience in advocacy as a result of surviving a devastating loss.  As busy as he is, he took the time to respond to my note, for which I am so grateful....hearing from him made me feel better, and the end of his note, answered my heart...Here's the end of his note....

1 Corinthians 16:13-14

¹³ Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong. ¹⁴ Do everything in love.

Thanks, I needed that.....

Please join us for the Joshua Newman Memorial 5K Run/Walk..  I will be there as the official hugger!!
http://www.events.org/Newman5k/cpage.aspx?e=47519


Hugs!
Sherri





 

 

Too many toilets

It's 4 am and I am WIDE AWAKE!!! Yikes!

Britt is almost through her first week of college and seems to be adjusting.  She’s a bit lonely, but time will bring friendships and cafeteria buddies.  Her drop off was only a major ordeal because we were 1 of 4,000 families grabbing the same elevators to get moved into smallish rooms with bad furniture.   Lucky for us, only the polite crowds showed up on our vators.

I would like to have counted all the hefting around and step climbing as a "work out" but I forgot my pedometer so I have no proof or idea how far we walked.  My legs kept telling me it was a lot though.

All the while we were at OU, I kept thinking about how much Josh would love seeing the football players we saw. While we were in the bookstore,  there was a wall of these huge moving mountains getting their books and I could see in them what  he would have likely resembled in a few short years. Those kind of thoughts when they hit just get me riled and ticked off!   

Once we got Britt settled in and unpacked, it was time for our tearful goodbyes.  While I was prepared to totally lose it on her, Brad beat me to it.  By the time it was my turn, it was actually a bit anticlimatic since I was all cried out watching them.  I was like "Bye kid, see ya in October."  

Ok, maybe I've slightly exaggerated, but as I said goodbye I went back to Britt on her first day of kindergarten.  While many moms followed their child's bus with tears streaming, I was thrilled to have her enjoy her first day.  Once I put her safely on the bus, it was like, "Anyone wanna  go to Starbucks to celebrate? My child's on a new adventure today!"  

I always think of these moments like that Disney commercial where the little girl exclaims "I've been waiting my whole life for this!"  We found photos of Brittany's 4th birthday party and in the background on the television was the move "Twister" which inspired her to go to school to be a "storm chaser".  She truly has been waiting her whole life for this!

My friends are concerned.  They have either called or written to help me get through this seemingly traumatic change in my world.  They feel I must really be terribly upset that less than two years after my youngest gained his wings,  my oldest is so far away at college.....honestly, I don't feel it yet.  I know I will hear all about it, and will experience this new chapter through her eyes.  That makes me very happy.  The real trial will be the call with tears on the other end and I can't reach through and pull her to me.  When that happens, look out world, mama Bear is on the rampage!

While I truly appreciate that so many friends are worried about me now that Britt is at college, I was so grateful for the one who caught on to what has really been bothering me.  Stephi  home alone!  

Never mind that she was not supposed to be the last one at home.   Never mind that there were supposed to be four plates at the table, not three.  We don't even outnumber the toilets in our house anymore.  That alone makes me sad...I loved coming home from a road trip and everyone running to a bathroom with one person having to wait for a turn.  Now there is an extra one.    Who would ever think toilets could make you sad?!

I have to admit that Stephi doesn't seem to be bothered as much as I am.  In fact, she seems to be handling it beautifully.  She doesn't have to share the car with her sister, run her brother around, or even put up with either of their aggravations, though I'll bet you, she would happily do as much running as Josh needed and wishes he was here to tattle on.

Brad and I have noticed how big the house suddenly feels and how it's quiet, too quiet here.  So much change does make ya wonder what you're gonna do with your life and how you lived before you had kids.  We have two years of enjoying Stephi and all that she does, though our participation is somewhat limited since she now drives and is truly 16 going on 29!

So, here’s to yet another chapter of life unrevealed, and one I hope is truly uneventful for a bit...  I am happy to turn on my skype and live my life vicariously through my girls for a little while.

Hugs to you all during this busy school season!

Sherri