I have been feeling a bit off all day. It finally occurred to me that two years ago today...a Tuesday, my family of five celebrated our wedding anniversary at Chik Fila after an evening of fun. It was Kids' Night and there was a music man and dancing kids. I remember looking over at our three kids chatting in the booth and thinking how lucky I am and how much I love the life I've been given.
I'm glad I didn't know then what I know now. That four days later I would lose my youngest to epilepsy. That I would miss my baby boy every moment of every day and a life goal would be to survive...to persevere.
It was just a normal family night with a normal family and I am so thankful I had that.
Now that we are in Angelversary territory, I have to watch my schedule very carefully and be prepared for a quick escape should the ambush from heartbreak hit. There's no fooling the body. The heart just has to take over and make the body do its' bidding.
What's also interesting is my 21st wedding anniversary on Friday. I feel mixed about it.... On one hand, I love my Brad and am so thankful he has held me, stood next to me and is growing old next to me. As friends and families continue to disintegrate under the stresses of life, I continue to look at ours and realize how wonderful it is that I have truly found my soul mate.
On the other hand, four days later is the worst day of the year. Joshua's Angelversary. I'm sure someday it will not bother me as much as it does now with the close proximity of our anniversary to his death as joy seems to eventually win over despair , but for now we will just try to stay in the moment, enjoy a night together and then brace for the week ahead.
If ever there was a time for prayer... please keep us in your prayers over the next week. It's gonna be a hard one!
I'm glad I didn't know then what I know now. That four days later I would lose my youngest to epilepsy. That I would miss my baby boy every moment of every day and a life goal would be to survive...to persevere.
It was just a normal family night with a normal family and I am so thankful I had that.
Now that we are in Angelversary territory, I have to watch my schedule very carefully and be prepared for a quick escape should the ambush from heartbreak hit. There's no fooling the body. The heart just has to take over and make the body do its' bidding.
What's also interesting is my 21st wedding anniversary on Friday. I feel mixed about it.... On one hand, I love my Brad and am so thankful he has held me, stood next to me and is growing old next to me. As friends and families continue to disintegrate under the stresses of life, I continue to look at ours and realize how wonderful it is that I have truly found my soul mate.
On the other hand, four days later is the worst day of the year. Joshua's Angelversary. I'm sure someday it will not bother me as much as it does now with the close proximity of our anniversary to his death as joy seems to eventually win over despair , but for now we will just try to stay in the moment, enjoy a night together and then brace for the week ahead.
If ever there was a time for prayer... please keep us in your prayers over the next week. It's gonna be a hard one!
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