Glorious Reunion

Saturday night I was out waiting for a friend, when  “Baby Girl” rang from my cellphone.  when I hear that ring it means......STEPHI!!!!!   Oh, how I have been missing her and her sister. I made sure to tell her that before we ended our conversation.

After a short visit with my friend, I ran through the drive thru for some dinner and turned onto my street.  There on the street I noticed that familiar baby blue Mazda in front of the house.  MY BABY IS HOME!!!!  The little stinker was  not six hours away at college while we were talking;  she  was sitting in my comfy spot at home eating my pizza all the while she was listening to me whine about how much I missed her.  I gave her a big silly grin hug, and chilled with her until bedtime.

Sunday morning, I checked on Stephi and found her sleeping so peacefully, then I watched church via the Internet.  I  couldn’t get my feet to walk me into the sanctuary that morning; sometimes it isn't the place of worship I love;  sometimes it is the place where I sat and stared at my son’s casket. 

As I watched the service, the sanctuary exploded with joyful applause as they witnessed one family's joyful reunion after a four year separation.  The father, Nick, was a self-professed Christian in a predominantly Muslim country, who religious belief forced him to flee the country to save his life.  Sadly, his family was unable to join him immediately.  I’m sure no one realized at that time it would be four years before they would be reunited.

Four years apart!  That hit me square between the eyes!   We have been separated from Josh for four years!!!  I couldn’t take my eyes off this family before me on the tv.  I was so drawn to the smiles on their faces;  I was so thrilled for them; so envious of their joy!

Our 4 -year mark is very different from theirs.  We are hurting to the very core!  The number of heart-wrenching  phone calls has jumped, Stephi needed to drive 6 hours to go to the cemetery to see her brother, and come home to us,   Brad has that hollowed look in his eyes, and I am all over the place trying to hold it together.

As I listened on to the service, I could feel the sermon speaking to me.  Our pastor  talked about how God may not  change my circumstances, which I am grappling with, but he changes ME in my circumstances .

Hmmmm, guess I’ll have to sit on that one for awhile but as I do that I will celebrate my  23rd wedding anniversary,  welcome my girls back into my arms for Thanksgiving, remember by ornery sweet boy, and give hugs to this year's Josh Newman Memorial 5K for SUDEP awareness runners/walkers. 

There's no way to avoid all the emotions of this time of year.   It will be heavy on the Laughter, and heavy on the Tears.

If you and yours are around Virginia on November 29th, feel free to come walk with us.
http://www.events.org/newman5k/cpage.aspx?e=78755


HUGS,
Sherri

Not Me!

When I was growing up, my brother and I would do all kinds of stupid kid things;  Soon after, mom would come in and ask, "Who did it?"  (Who left the toys out, forgot to close the front door letting all the animals run amok?)   We would both yell out “NOT ME!”   She would roll her eyes, and send us off to corral the wild animals ....an old barking Miniature Schnauzer, who loved to be scratched behind the ears, and two cats so vicious they were known to cuddle up to you and fall asleep.

When I had my own children, the accusations continued, but from a new source...the man who claimed he loved me!  “Who forgot to close the door?”  Not Me!, it must have been one of the kids.  “Who left their bowl in the sink?” Not Me! It must have been one of the kids.  Who left the oven turned on?  Not Me!  It must have been our 3 year old.  Ooops! Grrr, trick question....Ya caught me!

Who forgot to close the dryer so the baby couldn't play in it?  NOT ME!

Last year when he yelled, “Who forgot to turn off the hallway light?  You’re wastin’ resources!”   I responded, Not Me!  Must have been Stephi!



I just LOVE shoes!   I can hide toys in them,  or steal them.

The last several days Brad has been out of town, so it’s just been me, Stealth Kitty and Yankee.  It has been a bit of an awakening.  I came home from work, and found the closet door open, and the light on, leaving full shoes access to an ornery cat.  Can Stealth Kitty reach the light switch?  Nope.  Does he know how to open door knobs?  Still No!

The next morning, I went downstairs to my usual morning spot and found a cereal bowl with dried cereal crumbs laced around it.  I looked around….no kids, no Brad, Yankee doesn’t eat cereal. Who do I accuse, to whom do I deny?  Grrrr, I have to admit it, it’s me!

It’s hard for me to admit to these, and even harder to admit I'm missing my Newmanettes. 

Everyone keeps asking me how I’m doing now that we’re Premature Empty Nesters, and I keep telling them, "I'm fine, I'm too busy to notice".  Am I one of those parents feeling a bit lost? NOT ME!  I  finally sat quietly for a few minutes back to back, and it didn’t take long for me to miss them like crazy!  I texted my sister of another mother and told her I needed a drink.  She immediately called and said, “I don’t want you to drink alone, so I’m having a drink with you” and we leaned on one another and our losses for a little while.  She is also an empty nester, and she is very much grieving the recent death of her beloved Professor Hottie, so she understands how I am very much grieving my Joshie, and the bittersweet joy of watching my girls on their life adventures!  After a little while, I felt much better!

My sisters of other mothers

The one thing I am learning in this journey, is life isn't for wussies, and I am so thankful  I have been given wonderful people in my life.  Even though I am obviously prideful, there is one thing I don’t mind denying. ...

Who is walking alone in life's journey?  NOT ME!

Yes, I have acknowledged some bad habits, but I don’t want to take away Brad’s reason for living, so I’m sure I will continue to  leave lights on, doors open, oven turned on, put ice cream in the fridge…shhhhh, sometimes I do it on purpose.     


 

Friendship improves happiness and abates misery, by the doubling of our joy and the dividing of our grief.  ~ Marcus Tullius Cicero

HUGS,

Sherri

Light in their Eyes!

The house is so quiet.  The girls are at college, Brad is travelling for work;   His travel happened to be near Britt, and coincidentally?!  It was the weekend of the Tennessee/Oklahoma game at Oklahoma!

Let the trash talking begin! They were pretty civilized about it.  It didn't seem fair to me since I've been forced to relive U of Akron's defeat to Tennessee THIRTY YEARS AGO.  I just roll my eyes and tell him to Let it go already!!!   

His plan for this game was pretty diplomatic.  Support his beloved Vols while also being the supportive Dad…his chosen outfit?  Red OU shorts and a orange UT shirt.  BLAGHHHHH!  I cringe when I think of that combo.  I asked him to consider a white shirt with orange T on it, but he would hear nothing about it.

Game on!  I was sitting with friends christening a friend’s new patio/fire pit on a crisp and cool fall night, when the photos began to come my way.

I love this photo!  My first thought was, look how beautiful my oldest child has become.

 

Then the unexpected happened? I started getting photos from Stephi who was checking out the local sights around Wilmington.  She included this photo, and I thought, Oh my goodness, look how beautiful my second child has become.

 

 

They are both growing up, and it is my joy to watch them make their way.  They also have been working through their grief, and I love that there is a light in their eyes.  They both miss Josh so much, and there are some heartbreaking phone calls, but moments captured like these give me such Joy!

Oh by the way, Oklahoma whipped Tennessee’s butt…

The game of life is a lot like football.  You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity.  ~ Lewis Grizzard

HUGS!

Sherri

 

Happy Mother’s Day – It’s complicated

If you want me, I’ll be building a stone wall around my butterfly garden.  I’m really pretty proud of it; I’m building it myself!  That counts as exercise, right?  I know it's Mother’s Day and I‘m supposed to be pampered by my kids.…whatever!

My rock wall...in the works!

Ever since Josh died, I choose to spend this holiday close to home, usually piddling around my flower beds, and that’s ok.  I make no apologies for this. 
What will we do for lunch since I’m definitely not cooking?  TAKEOUT!  When Brad asked what we were doing for lunch?  Stephi giggled when she told him she promised to go pick up lunch for me. 



Phil Vassar singing "Carlene"

Yep, I have two wonderful daughters I love to hang out with, and we can get pretty silly together.  Just last week, Stephi and I flew out to be with Britt in Oklahoma.  We did some shoppin, lots of eating, and took a road trip to see my fave country singer Phil Vassar, in a concert in the middle of a field in rural Oklahoma. 

The best part came when the girls got to meet Phil;  It was true love for them!  Phil's music has brought so much joy to our lives, and now they know he’s a great guy too.  Sitting before the concert laughing with the girls, making new friends, and then jammin' to songs full of great memories, are my joys of motherhood.

Britt & Stephi meeting Phil

 



I cherish my girls and love them like crazy. They know that, and as sisters who lost their brother, they totally “get me”.  We just talked about it in Oklahoma, and they are cool with my Mother's Day choices.   They see me smiling and laughing with them when we're together, and that’s all they care about.



This is one of my new friends.  What a cutie!!!

 

 

Oh how I love making new memories with them!  I wish Josh was there, and he’s not.  At times, it makes me sad; at times it brings me to my knees.  I am so blessed to have loved someone so dearly that I still miss him like crazy 3 ½ years after his death.

So please make those reservations, fight the crowds for a great meal if you want, send flowers to your mom, and cherish them.  I will take mine at home and work on my wall….and probably get dragged out to the golf range because did I tell you?  I just started golf lessons.  More on that next time.

Wishing you a Heartfelt Happy Mother’s Day!

Hugs,

Sherri