Not Me!

When I was growing up, my brother and I would do all kinds of stupid kid things;  Soon after, mom would come in and ask, "Who did it?"  (Who left the toys out, forgot to close the front door letting all the animals run amok?)   We would both yell out “NOT ME!”   She would roll her eyes, and send us off to corral the wild animals ....an old barking Miniature Schnauzer, who loved to be scratched behind the ears, and two cats so vicious they were known to cuddle up to you and fall asleep.

When I had my own children, the accusations continued, but from a new source...the man who claimed he loved me!  “Who forgot to close the door?”  Not Me!, it must have been one of the kids.  “Who left their bowl in the sink?” Not Me! It must have been one of the kids.  Who left the oven turned on?  Not Me!  It must have been our 3 year old.  Ooops! Grrr, trick question....Ya caught me!

Who forgot to close the dryer so the baby couldn't play in it?  NOT ME!

Last year when he yelled, “Who forgot to turn off the hallway light?  You’re wastin’ resources!”   I responded, Not Me!  Must have been Stephi!



I just LOVE shoes!   I can hide toys in them,  or steal them.

The last several days Brad has been out of town, so it’s just been me, Stealth Kitty and Yankee.  It has been a bit of an awakening.  I came home from work, and found the closet door open, and the light on, leaving full shoes access to an ornery cat.  Can Stealth Kitty reach the light switch?  Nope.  Does he know how to open door knobs?  Still No!

The next morning, I went downstairs to my usual morning spot and found a cereal bowl with dried cereal crumbs laced around it.  I looked around….no kids, no Brad, Yankee doesn’t eat cereal. Who do I accuse, to whom do I deny?  Grrrr, I have to admit it, it’s me!

It’s hard for me to admit to these, and even harder to admit I'm missing my Newmanettes. 

Everyone keeps asking me how I’m doing now that we’re Premature Empty Nesters, and I keep telling them, "I'm fine, I'm too busy to notice".  Am I one of those parents feeling a bit lost? NOT ME!  I  finally sat quietly for a few minutes back to back, and it didn’t take long for me to miss them like crazy!  I texted my sister of another mother and told her I needed a drink.  She immediately called and said, “I don’t want you to drink alone, so I’m having a drink with you” and we leaned on one another and our losses for a little while.  She is also an empty nester, and she is very much grieving the recent death of her beloved Professor Hottie, so she understands how I am very much grieving my Joshie, and the bittersweet joy of watching my girls on their life adventures!  After a little while, I felt much better!

My sisters of other mothers

The one thing I am learning in this journey, is life isn't for wussies, and I am so thankful  I have been given wonderful people in my life.  Even though I am obviously prideful, there is one thing I don’t mind denying. ...

Who is walking alone in life's journey?  NOT ME!

Yes, I have acknowledged some bad habits, but I don’t want to take away Brad’s reason for living, so I’m sure I will continue to  leave lights on, doors open, oven turned on, put ice cream in the fridge…shhhhh, sometimes I do it on purpose.     


 

Friendship improves happiness and abates misery, by the doubling of our joy and the dividing of our grief.  ~ Marcus Tullius Cicero

HUGS,

Sherri

Empty Nestin'

I'm sitting here enjoying a muffin before heading out for some surf and sun in South Carolina.  Brad is off with his white dimpled mistress and will join me for lunch. 

Both daughters are settling into their college lives.  Britt was already moved in, so we stuffed two cars and dropped Stephi off in North Carolina.  The move-in went seamlessly....we somehow managed to avoid getting hit by all the couches, 54” tvs, and furniture.  Holy Moly, I didn’t even have a tv in my dorm room, and we hiked through 3 feet of snow each way to use the shared hallway telephone.  I have dorm envy!!! 

Stephi’s room looks great with the tiny tv and her beloved 1D/5 SOS decorum.  Two seconds after it was set up, she was pushing us out the door.  Brad wasn’t quite ready, but I felt pretty confident that she would be begging us to feed her in a day or two.   The next day I received this text :  PLEASE TAKE ME AWAY TO DINNER!!!!  Happy to Oblige!

After feeding her, on our dime, and setting up the all important DVD player, it was time for that long awaited no kids vacation! Wooohooo!  We’ve been dreaming of this day since the first time we stuffed luggage, beach toys, lotion, and diapers into the car. 

Turns out it’s not as easy to shut off the parent brain as we thought.  Even though Brad and I always worked to keep the romance alive during the kiddo years, it feels sooooo weird!

For so long, vacation has been kid-centered ; always thinking a step ahead of the kiddos.    Now I’m free to do my thing, but I just can’t shut down those mommy voices in my head. I fought the lurch forward reflex when the adorable toddler put that shell in her mouth…her mom was on it! That sweet child needs a hat!  I was so proud of that sweet girl who tried and tried, and finally mastered riding the waves.

Will it ever go away? 

My mountain man and I have lots of couple time now, but we know each other so well, we can’t fake it!  Dang!  I know he hates the beach; He knows I love it.  How can I enjoy a day at the beach when I’m worrying about how much Brad hates the beach?

I’m thinkin maybe those little white lies we told when the relationship was new weren’t so bad. 

We look lovingly into one another's eyes and say....

“What do you want to do?” 

“Dunno, what do you want to do?”

“I dunno, hey, we could go to a jazz bar for 21 and over”  I can see the light go on when  he realizes “yes, we can do that” .

So here are a few highlights we shared with our friends and family.....

When wildlife and humans unsuccessfully share playground. = jellyfish sting



Facebook status, day 2:  Pretty proud of myself. Its 1030 and im still awake. I doubt it has anything to do with that nap this afternoon. Yep, kids are out of the house and im a party girl. Sweet dreams all!

 

Hi Girls, guess where we are?
Brittany response- ballpark...btw rockin' the nail polish!
Stephi response:  Oh Mother! lol!

 

My poor attempt at a selfie.....how do you work this thing? Click!

 

And this was just week 1......
until next time.



HUGS!
Sherri

Oblivious to the obvious-off to college

It's here, another major milestone!  Brittany is off to college.  I am still in denial and may stay there until ....hmmmm December sounds good...then she'll be home on break.

Brad, always the practical engineer,  has been trying to prepare me for this huge change.  He always forgets I have the gift of being oblivious to the obvious.   I think I like that gift right now.  He is already grieving the loss of having Britt at home to aggravate and love on a daily basis.  I don't feel it yet...I can only focus on today and she's here.

Maybe it's more real for him because he took her to the college visitations "way out there" and watched her face light up once she saw the campus.   He knows her heart is already in Oklahoma.  It will be Brad taking her on the big road trip from Virginia to Oklahoma with stops in Tennessee to visit family.  We will pray hard for Brittany as we know how much Brad loves to travel through busy unfamiliar cities, and how he likes to "passionately critique" other drivers who perhaps aren't focused on driving while behind the wheel.

You would never know this man has travelled all over the world during his career.  He has been fretting about everything.....will everything fit in the car?  Is she packed? Is she ready?  I assure him everything will be fine.  In about a week I won't be so sure.

 Britt is fretting as to whether 10 pairs of shoes and 2 suitcases of clothing are too much.  I remind her, that this is her life...this is not summer camp.   Take it all and see what fits! 

Brad is so focused on Britt that he has filled the car with college stuff and left his beloved golf clubs at home alone without a sitter.  When Britt asked him if he was taking his clubs on this trip with her, and he answered "No, it's all about you!"  I think she was shocked...and touched.  No greater love is there than a parent for their child.

I find it both touching and amusing that Brad is worried for ME when "It" hits the fan.  All those  times he was pacing back and forth that he did over the years as I slept soundly, or read to pass the time, and he is worried about me?!   ...I know he has a valid concern.  Both my Alpha and Omega children will both be away from me.  Let's not think about it. 

Let's think about what this means to Stephi.  I can see it now....Stephi will be so tired of being the center of our attention, that she will run wildly out of the door screaming for space and her independence when it comes her time to leave in two years. 

I'm  now turning to distraction by suggesting to Brittany that she map out the road trip she and her dad will take and stop for some great photo ops such as "Largest ball of yarn; World's largest skillet" or something fun.  It looks like Graceland in Memphis might fit the bill.  I'm sure Brad will love the jungle room.

As my mind wanders, all I can think about is I hope she has as great a college experience as I did.   I loved college and the people who became my life.  I reminded her that she needs to find her "Marcia and Gloria"...former college 'partners in crime' aka roomies who have become sisters of a different mother.   

Oh, and Britt if you're reading this, I really don't need to hear those amazing stories of what made those college friendships great until years from now. My heart is fragile :)

Yep, I'm handling it really well.

~ I have told her I have plans for her room. She just rolls her eyes.

~ I remind her that I won't even notice she's gone. She laughs until she cackles.

~ I have told her I will get my needed daily hugs from other sources...strangers if I have to. She nods in agreement to that one. Hmmmm.

~ I have told her I'm thrilled my house will remain clean.  She reminds me she was the neat child.

I have used great quotes from well respected sources such as the movie "Bull Durham" to get her prepared.  "Brittany, college classes are gonna light you up like a pinball game for a little while; Don't worry about it".  She looks relieved.  Really?  I quote a baseball movie and she gets it!

 I'm not really in denial.  I know I'll miss her and grieve her madly, but right now all I can be is excited for her! How wonderful is this first taste of independence?  She gets to make her own dreams come true and enjoy the moment!  Her "workday" is a day of constant learning, reading, and socializing with people her age.  Her whole world is within walking distance and she will plan her life out a week at a time. No greater time is there than these.

Of course it comes up....that big elephant in the room.  How will she do on her own across country when those pangs for her baby brother hit full force?   I honestly don't know....we are venturing into uncharted territory.  But one thing is certain... I am only 1 exit away from the airport and I will cash in my 401k if that's what I need to do to get to her in a time of need. 

She is my oldest child, my light, my world and now it's time for me to let her grow her earthly wings.  I just won't let her see the tears that fall as we leave her on her own.    I have to keep remembering that she is God's child and there are things he needs her to do so I will do my best to cut the apron strings and let her do her thing.

It all comes down to this great quote by Eleanor Powell.....
  "What we are is God's gift to us. What we become is our gift to God." ~Eleanor Powell

Sending Hugs to my Beautiful Brittany! 

Hugs,
Sherri