Snowcation 2016

We’re on our 3^rd day of our 'Snowcation!'  I’ve actually run out of pjs to wear, so I’m gonna have to do some laundry. 

True to form, the local media stirred panic with their week long special reports, “the sky is falling, make sure you fill you house floor to ceiling with water, bread and butter”.  I’ve always wondered,

What can you do with bread, water and butter?

My cart was filled with a couple of steaks, a pot roast and some wine…that seemed more practical.  While others were panicked about being stuck at home, I was planning romantic dinners, movies, and a contingency that if electricity gave out, a cozy fire and candles.

 Colleagues outside of the area called to share their concern for us...so sweet!  I assured them, all was well. Couples and families will have much needed time together….and the proof will be the baby boom in about 10 months.

Brad's car is a great decoration...it ain't goin anywhere!

I pulled the car into the garage just as the snow started to fall.  24 hours later, it was still falling and the street disappeared.  Brad left his car out...here's what happened to his black car.

Brad and I shoveled 5 times on Saturday, 3 times on Sunday, and today our goal will be to break through the 4 foot wall that stands between us and the street.

 

I took this time to do a little cleaning out.   

My first project was the records drawers in our basement.  Earlier this week, I worked on our taxes, so as I went through the drawers,  I  took out my tax returns from 2008 to destroy them;  At that moment there was a lump in my throat as I realized there is only 1 more year that Joshua will be listed as my child.  While he will always be my child, the IRS will no longer care.   Ugh…it seemed like a “nothing” moment, yet, I felt those tears. 

Gotta snap out of it!  I turned my attention to some piles nearby and found some Josh treasures within.  School reports, artwork.  What a gift!

I finished what I was doing for the day and came upstairs just as Joshua's favorite football player, Peyton Manning was on the tv celebrating his team's victory!  We get to see Peyton and the Broncos in the Super Bowl again.  Oh my gosh, Josh was would be doing a happy dance.  I did it for him!

I went to bed that night with my electric blanket wrapped around me and slept like a rock.

When I woke up,  I took Alex for a walk on the street;  The only spot to walk.  Alex was so happy to stretch his legs.  It was a beautiful with the sun rising upon our quiet street.   I was alone with my thoughts when   I felt the urge to look up.  Joshua's bedroom was lit.   We hadn't turned it on, so I knew that in the stillness of the morning, Josh was taking the moment to say “Good Morning!"

There is always music amongst the trees in the garden, but our hearts must be very quiet to hear it.  ~Minnie Aumonier

Joshua 2003

Stay Safe and Warm!

Hugs!

Sherri

I need a Silent Night

 We really made an effort for Christmas this year.   We threw ourselves into the preparations for our first hosted Holiday Party, we dusted off decorations and lights we hadn’t used since Josh died 6 Christmases ago, and we went out and picked up some new ones because we wanted to "Go Big".  We wrapped this house in 'Merry' front to back in and out; even the commodes were decorated.

Either I’m getting old, or I have a lot of stuff because it took quite a while to get it all done.  Mom said it was because I didn’t have my little helpers.  That was probably true…we were planning a party and our kids weren’t a part of it.  How very empty nester of us.

A couple of weeks later, the house filled with friends, music blared, delicious smells of food filled the air, and Stephi walked in with stealth kitty.  Yay!  Bonus! 

Everyone was having a wonderful time, and the last one was out the door at 2 am.  Good thing since I had to be at church to sing the Christmas Cantat 5 hours later.  Who needs sleep?

Choirs were a centerpiece of my world that slipped away as the children arrived and their care took priority.  As part of the throwing myself into the season, I joined not 1 but 2 choirs!   My big plan worked, I was a busy girl with no time to think!

Our choir sang the cantata three times, and though I was wiped out, I jumped at the chance when  Stephi came running down the aisle.  “Mom, that was so good, let’s go celebrate!” This is one of those times where you thank God that your child wants to spend time with you, and you’re very thankful that God also provided caffeine!

Britt arrived on Sunday with her hissing cat…such a friendly guy.  It felt like our very own partridge in a pear tree.  Two hissing cats, one barking dog, and a Christmas tree that miraculously remained intact.

Britt was rushing in so we could see the Amy Grant and Michael W. Smith Holiday concert. Anyone who knows the history of contemporary Christian knows that Amy and Michael are the founders of this.  As a college student, I remember actually thinking the church cared because they were welcoming the music I could relate to.
 
These two musicians love the Lord, have a lion share of musical talents and lets face it, in this time of terrorism and fear, it was a welcomed change to hear heartfelt chords for Christ. 

During a part of their concerts, I swear I could hear the heavens sing a joyous song.  I felt a connection with Josh and tears streamed down my face not only for the beauty of the sound, but the joy that Josh was surrounded by love and beauty and I missed him dearly.  This feeling was captured in a tear.

On Christmas Eve, I was back up in the choir loft making my own joyful noise with both girls next to me.  They were recruited to join the Contemporary choir by my charming ways “C’mon and do this, it will be fun”.   Snagged them!

Silent Night by candlelight made the sanctuary glow in white.  It was gorgeous and those tears that hold every emotion, sat in the corner of my eyes.

Christmas brought fun gifts…the psycho dog discovered tissue paper is cool to shred, all bows had been mysteriously separated from their gifts, and two cats looked on with a glint of guilt.  They were both so curious.  Here’s the moment Britt captured on camera because she thought it look exactly like the photo on the left.  What do you think?

 It was a good Christmas.  We felt the Joy of the Season for the first time in 6 Christmases.  There was only one thing that was missing...Josh!  His stocking may have been empty of stuff, but it was still part of our season, just as Josh always will be. 

Hugs!
Sherri

Leap of Faith?

We would like you to consider going overseas…..

I sat there looking at my managers and I was so flustered.  I didn't know how to respond.  I was flattered, but absolutely terrified…..  I did not see this coming, but then again, since Josh died I tend to stay in the moment and not look ahead.  It's been this way....inching along with life, since that black day in 2010;  Slowly getting back into the game of life, but this would be more like a leap! 

I’ve been working my butt off at work to avoid thinking about what I’ve lost (Joshua) and where I am (Empty Nester), and somehow someone took this as commitment and passion.  Wow, I guess the mask I wear hides it well.   

What does Brad think?  The man has mentally packed his bags, including his golf clubs, and is ready to go.  I was always happy to follow him…and now apparently he’s willing to follow me. 

Me? My thoughts are all over the place……How do I leave my Joshie?  Yes, he has gained his wings and doesn’t need me anymore, but even knowing that doesn’t take away my mama bear need to protect him and be near his resting place.  

How do I leave my girls?  Never mind that they are grown up.  They just need me to touch base from time to time and they're fine with text, phone or video chat.  But my heart still asks “Where will the girls spend their holidays, summers and breaks?”   I needed to know, so I asked them.  They both instantly perked up and told me they would jump on an airplane to come to me.  I guess this is nothing new to them. 

Friends and family?  The friends I have at this point in my life will follow me to the ends of the earth, and we’ll be sure to post those adventures on Facebook!

 

Once upon a time I loved adventure, I loved sights and sounds, I loved people watching, and I loved.  I also loved having my kids with me and raising them wherever life took us.  No matter where home was, I had them with me.  Then Josh died, the girls left one by one for college, and it was back to Brad and me. 

So what’s really at the heart of the matter???  If I do this, I will have to pack Joshua’s room and pack up the girls’ rooms;   I hoped I could put that off another decade or so.    Arrghhhhhhhh!!!!!!   I'm also not so sure how I feel about trying to enjoy life and dream again.   After losing Josh this seemed impossible.

So much to consider.  Fortunately, we are just at the beginning of this and I have some time to keep tossing and turning.  

Here is the test to find whether your purpose on earth is finished:   If you're alive, it isn't.
-Richard Bach

HUGS!
Sherri

Checkin' In

I was sitting at my desk this afternoon daydreaming as I am prone to do right after lunch, when the phone rang.  I recognized the number as Brad’s phone…the same one that is currently with Brad on the golf course.  Brad is off on a biannual male bonding experience aka golf tournament where showering over the four days is optional, spouse endorsed food such as salads are checked at the door, and steak and burgers flow freely.

They are so busy golfing 4 games a day that check-ins to the domestic units are sporadic at best, so I was a bit surprised to hear from him.  I was even more surprised when he asked “How was the walk?”

My mind draws a blank...C’mon brain, help me out…walk, walk???? Hmmm, I’m sure it will come to me.

Brad smells the burning coming from ears and interjects “The SUDEP Walk!”

Ohhhhhhhh thhhhhat Walk!  For a second I actually question myself, Is the walk today?    No….. "Brad, the Walk isn't until Sunday morning!!!" 

A couple of seconds of silence and then he asks me “What day is it?”

"It's Friday!"

“Oh, I thought it was Saturday.”  A couple of seconds of silence as it occurs to him  “So, you’re at work?” 

I had to look around, and touch my cheek to make sure I was awake and having this conversation because I've had dreams that made much more sense to me than this conversation.  “Yes, I’m at work.’’  At this point, I'm about to bust the button from my pants, I'm laughing so hard.

A couple minutes of married couple chatter, and then he was off to golf again with  a quick “Hope you have a great Walk!”

Chelsea Walk 2012

I love this man!  I love that he isn’t afraid to grab his phone in front of all those manly men and call his wife.  I love that he took time from his fun weekend to think of me and the walk Stephi and I will take on Sunday morning in memory of Chelsea Hutchinson and Jeff Beaupre, both lost to SUDEP just like Josh. 

Got my "Joshua's Smile" cap on!!
 

So, now that you know where I'll be on Sunday. Come join us!!  It's always very bittersweet, but it's also a great way to remember and celebrate the lives lost  to SUDEP, while also raising money for SUDEP research, and equip those at risk with monitors and seizure dogs so they can find their Joy in Life!

So thankful for her seizure dog!
 

To learn more about SUDEP, Chelsea Foundation, and register for Sunday’s 5K you can go here.

http://www.chelseahutchisonfoundation.org/?q=sudep

 

 Jeff’s story

http://survivingaftersudep.blogspot.com/2013/02/january-30th-first-seizure.html

Just thinking about Jeff, and Jeff’s wife, Allison, made me appreciate that crazy phone call all the more.

 

Hugs!

Sherri

The Dance

My college roommate's daughter, is now a married woman!  Wow!  The first wedding where I’m old enough to be the mother of the bride…. yikes....well....maybe a year too young since Gloria is a WHOLE YEAR older than me.

Sam and the Newmanettes on a roadtrip..notice how excited Josh is 
 

I’ve been a part of Sammy's life since before she was born.  In fact, I’m part of the reason she was born.  I introduced her parents when we were all in college, and the rest is history. 

Over the years there have been many adventures with Samantha including stints as our "summer nanny" before she went to college.  It wasn’t too much later after she started college that I started to hear about a guy….hmmmm! 

 

It took a while, but when I finally met Zach there was little doubt he was THE ONE, so it was no surprise when the magical proposal beneath Cinderella’s Castle appeared on my facebook page and I was on my way to Ohio for a July 6^th wedding. 

 

Samantha and Zach were married on the college campus where they met in a quaint white-washed chapel with all of us looking on.  I had the direct view of Sammy’s face during her vows and I just melted over how beautiful she was in that moment.

Zach and Samantha

The wedding  reception following the service included a “Longest Married” dance.  When the music started, Brad grabbed my hand and we were off.  I eyed the competition.....  I felt pretty confident we could take on Sam and Zach since they had been married about 60 minutes, but some of the others looked like they might have a little more of an edge…it looked like a nail biter.

Brad and I turned and turned as they went down the list….. “5 years, 10 years, 15 years”  at 20 years we started to sweat since the floor hadn’t really cleared out much.  I mean c’mon, we are very proud that we have managed to stay married for almost 22 years and in many circles that is quite an accomplishment, but not with this seasoned bunch.

Soon however, we were wallflowers on the sidelines as they hit 30 years, 40 years, 50…..  At 50 years there were still 4 couples twirling around.  They really were twirling too..no walkers, or canes to be found.  At 56 years there were 2, but ultimately, at 59 years there was only one couple left standing;  The wonderful parents of the special man in mother of the bride’s life.  We will call him Professor Hottie.

I have had the honor of spending some time with Professor Hottie’s parents in the last couple of years, and I am quite taken with their spirit.  They are the proud parents of six, who upon learning about Joshua's death, reached out to me and shared the story of how they held their 3 year old daughter in their arms as she took her last breath 50 years ago.  Their story came at the exact moment when I needed hope, and I am still so grateful they shared their story with me. 

Samantha and Brittany.  Height has its advantage when trying to catch the bouquet.
 

So, tonight watching them dance arm and arm smiling at one another, I got all warm and fuzzy.  I was reminded once again how lucky I am  to have a special someone who wants to share this dance with me.  While there is no doubt that either of us would have chosen the path our dance has taken in recent years with the death of our youngest child, we are both so thankful to those who have travelled through the twists and turns before us and offer their support.  Through their example of enduring love, we are learning to keep on dancing no matter what what life brings.  

Oh yea, there was another bright moment of hope in the evening when Britt caught the bouquet.  Could this be a peek into my future?  Britt, if you are reading this, THERE IS NO HURRY!

 

Sending my love to Zach and Samantha!

Hugs,

Sherri