Leap of Faith?

We would like you to consider going overseas…..

I sat there looking at my managers and I was so flustered.  I didn't know how to respond.  I was flattered, but absolutely terrified…..  I did not see this coming, but then again, since Josh died I tend to stay in the moment and not look ahead.  It's been this way....inching along with life, since that black day in 2010;  Slowly getting back into the game of life, but this would be more like a leap! 

I’ve been working my butt off at work to avoid thinking about what I’ve lost (Joshua) and where I am (Empty Nester), and somehow someone took this as commitment and passion.  Wow, I guess the mask I wear hides it well.   

What does Brad think?  The man has mentally packed his bags, including his golf clubs, and is ready to go.  I was always happy to follow him…and now apparently he’s willing to follow me. 

Me? My thoughts are all over the place……How do I leave my Joshie?  Yes, he has gained his wings and doesn’t need me anymore, but even knowing that doesn’t take away my mama bear need to protect him and be near his resting place.  

How do I leave my girls?  Never mind that they are grown up.  They just need me to touch base from time to time and they're fine with text, phone or video chat.  But my heart still asks “Where will the girls spend their holidays, summers and breaks?”   I needed to know, so I asked them.  They both instantly perked up and told me they would jump on an airplane to come to me.  I guess this is nothing new to them. 

Friends and family?  The friends I have at this point in my life will follow me to the ends of the earth, and we’ll be sure to post those adventures on Facebook!

 

Once upon a time I loved adventure, I loved sights and sounds, I loved people watching, and I loved.  I also loved having my kids with me and raising them wherever life took us.  No matter where home was, I had them with me.  Then Josh died, the girls left one by one for college, and it was back to Brad and me. 

So what’s really at the heart of the matter???  If I do this, I will have to pack Joshua’s room and pack up the girls’ rooms;   I hoped I could put that off another decade or so.    Arrghhhhhhhh!!!!!!   I'm also not so sure how I feel about trying to enjoy life and dream again.   After losing Josh this seemed impossible.

So much to consider.  Fortunately, we are just at the beginning of this and I have some time to keep tossing and turning.  

Here is the test to find whether your purpose on earth is finished:   If you're alive, it isn't.
-Richard Bach

HUGS!
Sherri