It has been four months since Joshua passed away. It feels like both decades and just yesterday at the same time. As the 'survivor numbness' wears off, the reality sets into a body already worn out from grieving.
Our dear friends have been so supportive over the last several week but I can feel that they want life to go on as before and I am faced with "expired shoulder time". Just as my grief takes on real depth, I must deal with my personal storm alone in the chaos of everyday life. I have to tell you, the old saying 'Alone in a crowd' takes on new meaning.
I am so very lucky Brad and I are weathering this storm together and have two daughters who inspire us everyday with their ability to balance loss with a love for life. I have a dear friend who recently lost her mother after a courageous battle with breast cancer and I think she captured it best when she wrote "Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain".
I will take this inspiration with me as we prepare to walk in the 2011 National Walk for Epilepsy in Washington DC on Sunday, March 27,2011. What was supposed to be a walk with 5 Newmans now looks to be over 100 friends and family from all over the nation who will walk with us in the memory of Joshua to raise awareness for those who courageously live with epilepsy, as well as those like us who mourn a loved one lost to it. May awareness bring a cure to this dreadful "under the radar" condition.
I miss Josh beyond words, and I struggle constantly with his loss and the probability of living many more years of life without him next to me. I firmly believe these years should not be wasted. As the weight of grief gradually lifts its' weight from my body, I will continue to seek out what God has planned for me and mine. Based on the hefty price we paid ...the life of one ornery and loving boy, I would guess that God's plan is gonna be incredible.
If you are going to the Walk, look for the group wearing green baseball caps (Joshua's favorite color) with "Joshua's Smile" logo and come say hello.
Blessings!
Sherri
Our dear friends have been so supportive over the last several week but I can feel that they want life to go on as before and I am faced with "expired shoulder time". Just as my grief takes on real depth, I must deal with my personal storm alone in the chaos of everyday life. I have to tell you, the old saying 'Alone in a crowd' takes on new meaning.
I am so very lucky Brad and I are weathering this storm together and have two daughters who inspire us everyday with their ability to balance loss with a love for life. I have a dear friend who recently lost her mother after a courageous battle with breast cancer and I think she captured it best when she wrote "Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain".
I will take this inspiration with me as we prepare to walk in the 2011 National Walk for Epilepsy in Washington DC on Sunday, March 27,2011. What was supposed to be a walk with 5 Newmans now looks to be over 100 friends and family from all over the nation who will walk with us in the memory of Joshua to raise awareness for those who courageously live with epilepsy, as well as those like us who mourn a loved one lost to it. May awareness bring a cure to this dreadful "under the radar" condition.
I miss Josh beyond words, and I struggle constantly with his loss and the probability of living many more years of life without him next to me. I firmly believe these years should not be wasted. As the weight of grief gradually lifts its' weight from my body, I will continue to seek out what God has planned for me and mine. Based on the hefty price we paid ...the life of one ornery and loving boy, I would guess that God's plan is gonna be incredible.
If you are going to the Walk, look for the group wearing green baseball caps (Joshua's favorite color) with "Joshua's Smile" logo and come say hello.
Blessings!
Sherri
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