I'm not sure that this is pc, but I'm going to say it anyways....I have become a better person since losing Joshua.
Since I have become one of those who has had one of the worst things that can happen to you and survived it, I've discovered I'm willing to love more.
I have always been a caring person but I'll admit I was a little bit stingy with those three words I LOVE YOU. Other than Brad, my kids, my parents and a couple of close friends, I kept those words well guarded. I felt as though if I used them too often, they would become less meaningful. Of course, it doesn't mean I couldn't shake it up a little ..what parent hasn't waited for that most oportune moment to utter it as such,"Hey Joshua, IIIIIII Wuuuuvvvvv Yoooooooooouuuuu!" The red face response alone makes it so worthwhile...evil parenting at it's best! :)
In the months following Joshua's death, and maybe even shortly before as I reassessed life a bit, I began to realize there were a lot of people in my life who I loved alot! The people who came crashing through police officers to get to me as we realized Josh was gone, who spent day after day tending to me and mine, who took precious leave from their jobs to support us during a difficult service, and the hours of cooking and holding they have done are all acts of love and suddenly the involuntary unconscious rule book that said to keep it down, was thrown out the door with my priority adjustment and I suddenly found my broken heart bursting with love for so many.
It's liberating! Maybe as much as those who threw their bras into the flames in the 70s. Fear not, I have no plans to burn the very item that helps hold me together.
I don't go around loving everyone I pass, but I do listen to my heart and let those know when it gets warm and fuzzy.
I think I would have caught on eventually whether or not Joshua died, but it certainly helped me learn a valuable lesson in a much shorter time....like 1 heartbeat.
I don't know why I'm really surprised because the very boy I miss is the one who loved greatly and 'never knew a stranger.'
Hugs,
Sherri
<3
Since I have become one of those who has had one of the worst things that can happen to you and survived it, I've discovered I'm willing to love more.
I have always been a caring person but I'll admit I was a little bit stingy with those three words I LOVE YOU. Other than Brad, my kids, my parents and a couple of close friends, I kept those words well guarded. I felt as though if I used them too often, they would become less meaningful. Of course, it doesn't mean I couldn't shake it up a little ..what parent hasn't waited for that most oportune moment to utter it as such,"Hey Joshua, IIIIIII Wuuuuvvvvv Yoooooooooouuuuu!" The red face response alone makes it so worthwhile...evil parenting at it's best! :)
In the months following Joshua's death, and maybe even shortly before as I reassessed life a bit, I began to realize there were a lot of people in my life who I loved alot! The people who came crashing through police officers to get to me as we realized Josh was gone, who spent day after day tending to me and mine, who took precious leave from their jobs to support us during a difficult service, and the hours of cooking and holding they have done are all acts of love and suddenly the involuntary unconscious rule book that said to keep it down, was thrown out the door with my priority adjustment and I suddenly found my broken heart bursting with love for so many.
It's liberating! Maybe as much as those who threw their bras into the flames in the 70s. Fear not, I have no plans to burn the very item that helps hold me together.
I don't go around loving everyone I pass, but I do listen to my heart and let those know when it gets warm and fuzzy.
I think I would have caught on eventually whether or not Joshua died, but it certainly helped me learn a valuable lesson in a much shorter time....like 1 heartbeat.
I don't know why I'm really surprised because the very boy I miss is the one who loved greatly and 'never knew a stranger.'
Hugs,
Sherri
<3
Bless your heart.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much!
ReplyDelete