I made a decision to seek Joy.
It was a very hard decision to make given the current aching for my ornery sweet Joshua but I had to do something....what I'm doing now isn't working, and I have begun to realize how long I could potentially be here. When the time comes to see Joshua and those who have passed before me, I will likely be asked what I've been up to....I want to be able to say 'I've been busy trying to leave things on Earth a little better than when I came'.
There's also the fact that I know beyond a doubt that Joshua would be really mad at me for crying all the time and being sad. He hated that! He had such a zest for life.
Does this mean I will stop crying? Not hardly
Is my heart healed? Still shattered beyond repair
Am I over losing the boy who I hugged, cuddled and loved every day of my life for the last 12 1/2 years? Not in a million years!!!
It means when I get up in the morning I will pray to God in desperation to help me find the joy in the day and to serve His purpose for my life.
It has occurred to me... and to those who have known me for a long time that there is no coincidence I have lived through the murders of my 2 friends, my Papau, and now the sudden loss of my son. There has to be something good that will come out of this. I have no clue what that is....not even an inkling, but I know in due time, it will happen as it was intended in God's plan.
I expect I will continue to have my moments and my bad days along with many "firsts" to come in the ensuing months, but with God's grace I am finally able to see the light at the end of the tunnel and when I reach the end, it will be beautiful beyond belief.
Hugs to you all!
Sherri
It was a very hard decision to make given the current aching for my ornery sweet Joshua but I had to do something....what I'm doing now isn't working, and I have begun to realize how long I could potentially be here. When the time comes to see Joshua and those who have passed before me, I will likely be asked what I've been up to....I want to be able to say 'I've been busy trying to leave things on Earth a little better than when I came'.
There's also the fact that I know beyond a doubt that Joshua would be really mad at me for crying all the time and being sad. He hated that! He had such a zest for life.
Does this mean I will stop crying? Not hardly
Is my heart healed? Still shattered beyond repair
Am I over losing the boy who I hugged, cuddled and loved every day of my life for the last 12 1/2 years? Not in a million years!!!
It means when I get up in the morning I will pray to God in desperation to help me find the joy in the day and to serve His purpose for my life.
It has occurred to me... and to those who have known me for a long time that there is no coincidence I have lived through the murders of my 2 friends, my Papau, and now the sudden loss of my son. There has to be something good that will come out of this. I have no clue what that is....not even an inkling, but I know in due time, it will happen as it was intended in God's plan.
I expect I will continue to have my moments and my bad days along with many "firsts" to come in the ensuing months, but with God's grace I am finally able to see the light at the end of the tunnel and when I reach the end, it will be beautiful beyond belief.
Hugs to you all!
Sherri
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