I woke up at 9:00 this morning....whoa! I never sleep that late. It must have been sitting around with "the Board" til midnight over a bottle of wine that did that one. Whatever the reason, I'm awake on yet another one of those bittersweet days... Mother's Day.
I think the part of Mother's Day where I don't cook, clean or lift a finger suits me well..I can actually use this holiday as an excuse for doing nothing. I chose not to attend church and asked for lunch to be curbside pickup versus dining room so I could discreetly avoid the upbeat celebration of Mother's Day. That part of the day is still just too much to take on 17 months after losing Joshua.
Am I neglecting my living children by grieving my sweet ornery one? Truth be told my girls are thrilled not to have to make a big fuss over me and they know they are my reason to celebrate the blessings in my life, even when the loss of one of them overwhelms me at times.
A good plan of action is to keep busy so you won't think about it. Out to the garden I go with tools and plants just in time to look up to see our very own 'Neurologist in the making'. Our sweet neighbor who was a first responder on that day in November. She was so greatly impacted by Joshua's death that she chose to specialize in seizures, and is in the last part of her med training at Georgetown. She is the mother to two small boys who love and adore her. She inspires me beyond words and we have plans to work together in the world of epilepsy.
I turn around next to see my neighbor and dear friend who was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer two weeks before Joshua died. 17 months later after too many surgeries and procedures to count, her hair has returned thick and full of body. She looks great, has fought off cancer in 4 areas and possibly in remission with the 5th. She is a mother of two who inspires me to fight on through anything.
Ok, I'm not able to keep my mind free of Josh, so I walk to the front yard just and recognize another mom walking up the sidewalk. She is a favorite of my kids and even though we don't see each other much, remains adored. We learned just how long it had been since we really chatted when after I gave her the update on the girls' lives, she asked " how is Joshie?"
Wow, can it be she never knew? We've seen one another in passing, but never talked about it. I could feel the color leaving my face on that one. As I shared with her the news of losing Josh 17 months ago to SUDEP, I hear those sounds of pain as the news sets in; the tears and hysteria which accompany her fierce hugs as I share what happened between her apologies and sadness. For that moment I'm back to 17 months ago.
It's Mother's Day and I been reminded that my youngest is gone three times in an hour. This is more than chocolate, wine, crying or anything can help. I think it's time to avoid all outside human contact and thank God I didn't become a complete blubbering fool who melted into the sidewalk when I shared Joshua's loss once again.
Finally, I sit on the patio listening to the water from the fountain my daughters gave me last year. Such a reprieve. The perfect location to 'just be" on this day that most celebrate.
I'm sure it's not a coincidence that I've seen the moms I've seen today. I'm sure it's a reminder from God on this Hallmark Holiday that there is still so much to see and do yet.
I have shed some tears today, and likely will shed more, but they are tears of love and I have been so very blessed to have love in my life.
Happy Mother's Day!
Hugs,
Sherri
I think the part of Mother's Day where I don't cook, clean or lift a finger suits me well..I can actually use this holiday as an excuse for doing nothing. I chose not to attend church and asked for lunch to be curbside pickup versus dining room so I could discreetly avoid the upbeat celebration of Mother's Day. That part of the day is still just too much to take on 17 months after losing Joshua.
Am I neglecting my living children by grieving my sweet ornery one? Truth be told my girls are thrilled not to have to make a big fuss over me and they know they are my reason to celebrate the blessings in my life, even when the loss of one of them overwhelms me at times.
A good plan of action is to keep busy so you won't think about it. Out to the garden I go with tools and plants just in time to look up to see our very own 'Neurologist in the making'. Our sweet neighbor who was a first responder on that day in November. She was so greatly impacted by Joshua's death that she chose to specialize in seizures, and is in the last part of her med training at Georgetown. She is the mother to two small boys who love and adore her. She inspires me beyond words and we have plans to work together in the world of epilepsy.
I turn around next to see my neighbor and dear friend who was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer two weeks before Joshua died. 17 months later after too many surgeries and procedures to count, her hair has returned thick and full of body. She looks great, has fought off cancer in 4 areas and possibly in remission with the 5th. She is a mother of two who inspires me to fight on through anything.
Ok, I'm not able to keep my mind free of Josh, so I walk to the front yard just and recognize another mom walking up the sidewalk. She is a favorite of my kids and even though we don't see each other much, remains adored. We learned just how long it had been since we really chatted when after I gave her the update on the girls' lives, she asked " how is Joshie?"
Wow, can it be she never knew? We've seen one another in passing, but never talked about it. I could feel the color leaving my face on that one. As I shared with her the news of losing Josh 17 months ago to SUDEP, I hear those sounds of pain as the news sets in; the tears and hysteria which accompany her fierce hugs as I share what happened between her apologies and sadness. For that moment I'm back to 17 months ago.
It's Mother's Day and I been reminded that my youngest is gone three times in an hour. This is more than chocolate, wine, crying or anything can help. I think it's time to avoid all outside human contact and thank God I didn't become a complete blubbering fool who melted into the sidewalk when I shared Joshua's loss once again.Finally, I sit on the patio listening to the water from the fountain my daughters gave me last year. Such a reprieve. The perfect location to 'just be" on this day that most celebrate.
I'm sure it's not a coincidence that I've seen the moms I've seen today. I'm sure it's a reminder from God on this Hallmark Holiday that there is still so much to see and do yet.
I have shed some tears today, and likely will shed more, but they are tears of love and I have been so very blessed to have love in my life.
Happy Mother's Day!
Hugs,
Sherri
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