Well, we’re back to work for now, and taking life day
by day.
Britt is enjoying college football season, Stephi is enjoying Homecoming
week, and Brad is enjoying his last few dates with his dimpled mistress (aka golf)
before winter settles in.
Thanks to Bluetooth and my car radio, Britt
and I often chat on my way home from work. Ohhh, my girl is going through some real
emotions again. I get it and oh how I feel for her. I mean……life is tough enough
on a normal day, but when you lose the brother you love, move 21
hours from home, and throw yourself into a new life, it’s bound to happen…..AMBUSH
Meltdown! We talk about it/around it, and
sometimes we just grow silent together. I suggested it might be “Happiness Guilt”….that
crash of guilt that hits when she is enjoying a life her brother no longer is
here to enjoy. Right after Josh died, I started reading about the "new normal” for surviving siblings. I wanted to hear stories of happy ever after, or at least happy again ever after. What I learned was the path back from the despair of loss is long and windy. Some shared stories of turning to drugs and alcohol to numb the loss. Others avoided friends, and avoided new relationships because they didn’t want the awkward silence that follows “how many brothers/sisters do you have?” Not the news I was hoping for.....
My middle child is really angry. Her journey includes pages and pages of written words to
express her thoughts and questions. Her writing took an interesting
twist when she had to respond to a college application essay question…. “Some students have a background or story
that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would
be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story?” Whoa…that innocent question received one
heck of an answer from my 17 year old. I hope they're up for it!
My oldest child still struggles to fall asleep, suffers
from anxiety attacks, and is trying to accept that she can truly
have a future that is bright and happy. Yesterday, she
heard the horrible sound of metal crashing next to her apartment. She fought her growing panic, and ran to an
accident site even though she knew it might be tragic.
What she found was a young man lying on the side of the road, his motorcycle
struck by a truck.
She held him and spoke to him until the paramedics arrived to take over. The happy side? He kept talking with her
and will heal from his injuries. He will walk away! What an incredible healing impact the experience had on her.
Robert Harling, the author of the book and my favorite movie “Steel Magnolias” shared the story of how his mother insisted
on remaining on set for the scene where Julia Robert’s character “Shelby”
dies in the hospital. Robert thought it would be too hard for his mother to
relive the day his sister/her daughter died, but she refused to leave. He finally figured out why she had to
stay. She had to see Julia get up out of
the bed and walk away. It was a healing moment!
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| Me and my girls |
Stephi continues to ponder and work through her questions and thoughts on a daily basis....She asked me to look at her college essay the other day. It was a very real account of life without Josh. Though hard for me to read, I was so touched with her closing words…. "Now, I get out
of bed every morning and head off to school without dread, and my homework is
always done. I hang out with friends and I laugh more than I did when I first
lost Joshua. A calmness of sorts has taken over and I can continue to move forward.
I still miss Josh beyond words-I always will-but life goes on and I have to
move on with it.”
‘Nuff Said!
Hugs!
Sherri
Dear Sherri,
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for contacting me on my blog, From Paradise to Plan B. I am so sorry for your family's loss of Josh. He sounds like he was full of life and energy and a delightful little rascal, a special young man to know. We live in the same state, and our son Joey, who died from SUDEP in 2008, was also our "baby" (though 28 years old), and the younger brother to two sisters who adored him. Life after the loss of their brother has been full of grief and challenges, but they are courageously making their way through, just as you all are doing. We also had never heard of SUDEP, and so wish we had known. Joey had his first grand mal seizure at age 12, but had learned to live with it as an inconvenience. We never knew it was life-threatening. Our son had moved into his own house, for the first time without roommates, a month before he died. We would have done things differently if we had known then what we know now. We also share faith in Jesus and the gift of eternal life, and know that our son is safe in Heaven. But oh how we miss him. Every single day. That part never seems to get easier. Your blog is a great comfort to me, because we know you understand. I pray comfort over you all, and am glad to add you to my blog list so that I can keep in touch. My heart and thoughts are with you,
Karen Johnson