Monet's Bridge

I have someone very special who I see on a regular basis to walk me through this difficult journey. He lost his father early on and brother later. The impact was enough to make him want to help those of us who suffer loss and want to learn to smile again.

Today, I was noticing a painting in his office that Monet painted of a bridge. A simple painting that has become quite famous. Two years ago I was on that actual bridge visiting the lovely Monet Gardens with my full family and our dear friends visiting from Virginia. I had made a deal that if my girls took French for the three years we were living abroad, we would take them to Paris to try out their French. True to their word, they each studied hard earning the trip to Paris only to realize everyone in Paris was speaking English to us! It was a lovely trip despite their disappointment.

One day we took a bus tour to Monet's gardens. a lovely spread 3 hours outside of Paris each of us had our cameras and were ready. Josh in his usual style was running around like a crazy kid among all the flowers taking photos of everything. Steph was honing in on particular leaves and petals always artistic in her approach. I took photos of flowers and family in the flowers....It was a blissful day and the photos from that day adorn my work space as happy reminders.

Back to the reality in front of me I was seeing the bridge from another viewpoint, as a journey in life. I was asked, where do you see yourself on the bridge? This was one of those psychojumbo tests to see how you're doing as the bridge was to represent the daily life I now face without Josh. After much observation, I pointed to the farthest side of the bridge and told him "I'm not afraid to cross what faces me on the walk across the bridge or to see what awaits on the other side, I just don't have the strength to do it right now." Apparently, I passed. phew!

I don't think anyone can imagine how death zaps your strength...there is the mental side that is with your every moment of everyday and can drive you nearly to madness at times, and there is the physical part...the part you don't realize will hit and stay with you for months afterwards. Frankly, you're too tired to care.

At this point I am living through the hardest part of life I've ever had, and all the while in my exhaustion I do seek joy. I also realize I must let my body rest and recover. I must be patient to know someday I will be able to do for others what had been done for me, and to smile and laugh again. At that time I will be able to mentally cross that bridge of life.

In this hustle and bustle quick fix society we live in, people want the easy fix in a pill, and while there are pills out there to help you through difficulties with grief or any major trauma, the truth is there is no easy fix. There may be a temporary fix, but at some time you must face it head on, and continue to work through it for a lonnnngggg time.

I just learned of another family who lost their 12-year old son in a senseless accident. Watching them and seeing myself in their shoes 9 months ago, I can see I am edging slowly over that bridge, and as painful as it is, I know there will good that will come from this journey.

I hope if you are facing one of life's difficulties, you will be gentle with yourself. If you are in a high spot of life, I hope you will take the time to enjoy the moment, and for all of you I wish you joy!

Hugs!
Sherri