Labor Day

I am naturally optimistic and upbeat, so it catches me off guard every year around this time when I feel a black cloud suddenly appear over me. Anger and sadness come and go with a vengeance during a time I should be laughing and enjoying friends and family in true Americana fashion. It wasn't until last August at an ADPi reunion that I finally understood why.

When I was a student at the University of Akron I had the priviledge of pledging the sorority ADPi. At my side was a bubbly girl name Dawn who I had met through freshman orientation just a few days before.

As I sit here writing about this, thoughts of Dawn in those early days bring an outburst of laughter. She was absolutely hilarious and it was love at first laugh. I guess siding Dawn's 'just go with it attitude" next to my "serious, I'm going to have a career girl" self, it was inevitable we drifted towards one another. She made me loosen up and laugh; I tried to make her take life serious....failing miserably. Not to say she didn't take school serious...she studied and did her part. It was just her attitude that was different from my own and quite contagious. She thought life was to be enjoyed...every moment of it and she did her best to achieve just that.

Dawn and I were both pledge sisters and dorm room neighbors which meant lots of walking across campus together, clubbing together and getting into mischief together. As the college years continued, I began to become serious about a career in international relations which took me back and forth to Washington DC for internships leaving less time to be with friends. During this time, Dawn became best buds with my sorority littls sis and their antics cracked me up and gave me pause. Dawn and I had a rare afternoon of nothingness together at the end of the finals when she shared some thoughts with me that were important to her but scared me. Dawn had a premonition that something bad was going to happen to her. I sloughed it off as "being dramatic" and told her so. That would be my last conversation with Dawn.

The summer came and left and I returned to begin my jr. year. While preparing to go to my first class, I caught a whiff of a story about the murder of two young girls. Thinking nothing of it, I threw my backpack over my shoulder, grabbed my note I'd written to Dawn telling her "see, I told you it was nothing" and trekked over to THE CHUCKERY..our unofficial ADPI hangout. As I opened the door, I was met by a friend with tears in his eyes who offered his condolences to me. "What are you talking about?"

Dawn and another sorority sister, Wendy, had been the two women found over Labor Day. They had been senselessly and brutally murdered. Suddenly the news of it all began to sink in. My sister, my friend, my laughter was gone. In my mind, I had known about it and done nothing but make her feel bad for thinking like that. I would be in a very dark place for a long time following her death. The next few months were a daze except for that clear moment as I approached Dawn during her funeral and asked her to forgive me, and watched as this person who had been so full of life was laid to rest.

Our sister, Katherine Miracle's book " Discovering your Dawn" revisits what Kathy and so many of us dealt with. When we reunited last August we realized all of us had faced and continued to face life challenges directly related to losing our sisters, and we each struggled every year over Labor Day but didn't know why until we realized, Labor Day 1986 at ages 20-23 years we were each smacked against a wall with the reality of how brutal life could be.

Dawn and Wendy were murdered in 1986. The day of redemption arrived 23 years later when their murderer was put to death via lethal injection on October 14, 2008...it's one of those moments that will be with me forever...I know exactly where I was and what I was doing... I realized 23 years later, that the feelings of rawness lie just beneath the surface and when they reappear they are such strong emotions.

Dawn's life and death have been pivotal in my life. She was one of the early ones who really thought I could live my dream and move to DC which I did. Over the years, I have pulled out photos of us and look at her with a smile on my face. Someone who is able to make a straightlace like myself act careless is such a gift and I miss her dearly. When I let my hair down and let loose, she is in my thoughts.

It has been 25 years ago since my life changed forever. I have seen so much and loved so much. It has been Dawn's ongoing legacy that pushed me to finish school, pursue my dreams, and it was my experience of the loss of Dawn that guided me as my family collapsed with the additional heart wrenching loss of sweet Joshua in November.

Death impacts so many in so many ways. I know parents of lost children wonder if their children's friends ever get over the loss of their friend. Let me assure you they do not. Those friends we lose too soon remain close to the heart and soul of any who have loved them. I know for a fact that the death of two beautiful women with so much life ahead continues to impact 75 plus grown women who drop anything they are doing to be there for one another in goodness and sad.

Now I face yet another milestone. Another year Dawn has been gone..as they say it doesn't get better, it gets different, and a first year my sweet boy will not be jumping on the school bus to start 7th grade. It is a sad time, but I feel so blessed to have such great memories and photos to carry me.

I will always be so greatful for Dawn being a part of my life, and allowing me to learn to treasure life and fully embrace it. Happy Labor Day! May you be blessed with many hugs this holiday weekend!