I love Martina...she always seems to record songs that reflect my life at whatever phase of life I'm living. There was "Happy Girl" when my kids were in elementary school and we were living in the Mom Mobile with all their activities, "This One's For the Girls" which coincided with my discovery that I now needed "my blonde in a bottle" to cover grays, "God's Will" which taught me to appreciate everyday together because it's a gift, "Anyways" which talks about love and loss and loving again, and now my new anthem, "Teenage Daughters" which shares sweet teen daughters are but how much energy they take to raise.
I love my daughters, I really do...they are turning out to be very kind, caring, intelligent women with much to offer in the years ahead. They also try my patience to the very core of my being.
I can't believe they have grown tall enough to look down on me, but they both have. One blessing from that is the feet required to support their heighth cannot fit into any of my shoes.
They have both experienced a traumatic loss and yet been able to smile and love again. They are amazing souls who could serve as an example in living life after loss.
So many articles and stories warn how living siblings are often the forgotten statistic of loss as their bereaved parents try to just make it day to day following the loss of a sibling. So sad, but so easy to do. In my own experience, my first instinct as the terror unfolded that morning was the safety and well-being of my girls. Friends took them away from the house and cared for them and loved on them all day. I ran back and forth between houses because I didn't like them being out of my sight!
I still fight anxiety when I go to wake the girls or kiss them as I leave for work. I fight the anxiety to let them out of my sight at all, but I know I must. I know I have to give them some semblance of "normalcy" and just let them know how proud I am and how much I love them.
They have been my comfort and my worry. They are my reason for living ... I tell folks that I seek Joy because I want my girls to want to be around me...to return to a warm home once they go to college in 1/3 years respectively.
There are some things I can't help such as the moments of despair that can hit me in a flash or my loss of memory due to the trauma, but there are things I can do for those two crazy teens who live on. I can care for them and guide them even in those moments when sending them to Grammy's house sounds like a better idea.
Just as Martina sings...
*They're beautiful, wild and free. Everything we wish we could be..
But they're still crazy, oh you know, they make us crazy
I ain’t complainin’, but I’m just tired, so I’m just sayin’ what I think
And if we’re being honest than honestly, I think I need a drink.
Hugs to all our wonderful Teenage Daughters.
* "Teenage Daughters," Martina McBride & The Warren Brothers
No comments:
Post a Comment