Friday Night Pizza

Friday night is Pizza Night in our house.   I can’t remember exactly when it became a tradition, though I do remember little Newmanette hands squishing flour, yeast and water together when we lived overseas.

There have been times in our married life when Brad and I looked at ways to cut costs, and pizza delivery always made it on the cut list.  One time we even wrote it down and discussed with the kids that we had to stop ordering pizza so we could pay for their soccer, piano lessons and the shirts on their backs.  (A little guilt goes a long ways)
While the girls seemed to understand, Josh wanted no part of that!  He HAD to have his Friday pizza; how dare we even consider stopping it!

To help bring him around to the idea, we would talk about making our own pizza, or purchasing more affordable frozen pizzas.  NO WAY!!!! WHAT A TRAVESTY!!! 

Then it began….Josh would alternate between syrupy sweet charm, and heavy  guilt nagging until I would just give up…as a mother you have to learn when to fight your battles, and I could always scale back on those silly things like fruits and vegetables (just kidding!).  His list of why we should keep pizza delivery is a great funny memory.  Oh how I wish I had kept that list!

Guess where we were on a Friday night in 2008?

We tried again in early Fall 2010;   Joshua’s monthly seizure meds were pretty expensive even with insurance, and we were living the American reality of the sandwich generation raising our kids and helping family.  It was becoming clear that I needed to increase my work hours to cover expenses.

Brad in a moment of great enlightenment to his role of husband, left the decision up to me.  I really stressed about it and thought long and hard. I felt so torn,  and certain I was scarring  my children for life; I even had a conversation with each of them about it.  I took extra care with Josh as I knew he would be the most impacted since he was still in elementary school.  So I sat him down, bribed him to stay still for 2 minutes, and I shared with him all the changes that would have to be made.  He would have to help keep the house tidy, make sure dishes went into the dishwasher and start working on his homework on his own, etc.

He thoughtfully pondered my words for a moment before asking… “Does this mean we get to keep Friday Night Pizza?”  I about laughed myself off the chair!  The thought process of a child is an incredible thing!  I  hadn’t actually  thought about impact on pizza night in all my sleepless nights,  but after a moment  I answered “yes”.  To which he responded, just a bit too eagerly in my opinion,  “OK Mom, you need to work more then!”

A short time later I was offered a full time assignment and accepted.  It was during this time of impending change in our lives that something bigger hit us!  Joshua's sudden and completely unexpected death from SUDEP! 

There are lots of stories and emotions that have come from this experience of loss.  Calling my new supervisor to explain my great loss and offering her a graceful out if she didn’t want to deal with an emotionally empty employee who was sure to break out in tears without warning.  She refused my offer and I started working fulltime two weeks after burying my sweet ornery one.  Wow, how did I do that?  It had to be God and the prayers of our friends and family holding me up.

Somehow we’ve made it through so far and have realized how the smallest thing can bring a tear or smile.  Tonight when I heard the familiar “pizza’s here” and grabbed a slice, Joshua just came to mind and  I couldn’t help myself….I just started giggling.  Not only do we still order pizza two + years later, but now I couldn’t imagine NOT ordering it. It’s kinda a connection to a family tradition we've had since we were a complete family of 5.

They say many bereaved parents have a hard time giving up the grief and guilt because it’s a  connection to their beloved child.  Leave it to me to turn to something else....Friday Night Pizza.

If heaven didn’t have pizza before, I feel pretty sure they do now and it's a pretty busy place on Friday nights! 

Hugs!

Sherri