December 15, 2010
Well, I stayed in bed and fell back to sleep a bit sooner today so I am making progress. Sleeping on the news we received from the Neurologist gave me clarity and peace. I think I have made steps towards getting past the “why did this happen” and will continue to work on the “it just hurts when I breathe” part of mourning. My dear friend, Linda, is a OB nurse. We have been tight since 6th grade band and neither the miles nor life have ever come between us. A few years ago, this mother of three went to nursing school because she wanted to bring babies into the world. It was a long difficult road, but she made it and I was there with her at her graduation smiling with great pride. I always ask her to tell me about the babies of the week and there have been some great stories and admittedly some very sad stories. Most of her mothers are Amish so their faith is a guiding light in their day to day life and large families are a norm. My friend is so crazy, she threw her son and mother in a car, drove 7 hours to my house, went to visiting hours to show her love and support, then drove the 7 hours back to Ohio immediately because she had to work the next day. Can you see why I love her?
A couple of weeks ago she was talking me through a dark moment distracting me with news of “my other three kids” Joe is in love and has secured a good job. JJ has finished boot camp and is back at home for a few short months before deploying to the warzone, and Julie, our little drama queen, is at a fork in the road regarding high school trying to face the challenges of a new school and a new chapter in life. She suddenly grew quiet and then she said, “I’ve been wanting to tell you this for a couple of days but didn’t know how you would take it, I wanted to let you know that the very first baby I delivered when I returned from Joshua’s calling hours, was named Joshua!”
I was so thrilled. I love the name Joshua. It is such a strong biblical name with a deep history. Our very own Joshua realized it and truly loved his name as well. We have photos of him standing next to the Joshua trees of California, he loved the country music singer Josh Turner, his Papau Newman would sit him on his lap and sing Joshua Fought the Battle of Jericho for hours. We even took photos of Jericho when our family visited the Holy Land 2 years ago.
The week before we lost him, Brad and I were doing the soccer game shuffle between Josh and his sister Stephanie. I am not known as a quiet bystander.... I love to shout out names and offer loud encouragement. Apparently, so much so, that I embarrass my children, or so they were telling me. I went to watch Joshua play in the semi final tourn all the while shouting out “Go Joshie” . Stephanie informed me that this embarrassed him but it didn’t stop me. "You go Joshua! Get’em Josh." Following the game I handed the cupcakes we had brought to Josh and he happily shared them with his teammates, and their families. As we slowly walked back to the car I asked him if I embarrassed him and he said “yea kinda, but it’s OK”.
We went to Stephanie’s game next. While there I kept yelling “Go Stephi” get’em Stephi” to which Joshua looked at me with a very stern look and said “Mom you embarrass her when you say that” to which I said “oh well, she’s just gonna have to take the love from her Mama”.
My husband Brad and I try to jog or walk every day when the weather cooperates so we decided to walk the path around the soccer field where Stephanie was playing. Joshua ran to catch up to us and walk with us chatting away about anything and everything as he always did. The simplest things in life amused him. Following the game, we all went home and enjoyed the rest of the day together as a family just being together. It was a good day and in this day of clarity, I thank God for that beautiful normal day. I also realize no matter what I will still shout out "Go Joshie, You can do it Joshie!" to the heavens above.
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