The Gentle Side of Grief

A friend IM’d me today….here’s our conversation

S: “Saw Brad yesterday, he looked really tired”

Me: “Yea I know, we’ve both been pretty sad and tired the last week or so.  The rainy weather, Erika’s death, and Joshie’s birthday is comin’ up.”

S: “Yea, that would do it…please be gentle with yourself.”

Me: “Promise!  We’ve been keeping our evenings simple, takin’ walks and talkin’ through it.”

S: “Oh honey, sending you my Love!!! XOXO”

I think that pretty much summarizes my week!

I’ve been writing so many sad words since my friend Erika, lost her valiant 2 1/2 year battle against cancer last Wednesday. She asked me to come see her last Tuesday, so  I immediately took off work and went over to her house for the day.  She looked so small in that bed, but oh her smile!  There was nothing but love between us so we spent our last time together sharing our love, and gratitude for such a wonderful friendship.  As I drove home there were gentle tears of love for my friend.
 

A great night at the Rascal Flatts concert-2011

 

The next day I received the dreaded call that Erika had just passed away, I wasn’t sure I could go say goodbye; I thought it might trigger an anxiety attack, but I called Brad, and asked him to drive me over anyways. He dropped everything to meet me,  drove me over to her house, and stood by my side as I said my final goodbye to my dear sweet friend.  Gentle tears of grief rolled down my cheeks all the way home.

Since then, I'm sure it has been a bit interesting, almost entertaining, if you are lookin’ from the outside in.  I have woke up every morning swearing it’s Friday, only to realize it’s Monday; Did it again on Tuesday….Wednesday and today.  Tomorrow I’ll  finally be right.   THANK GOODNESS!   I even accused Brad of stealing my granola only to find it two days later in the back of a cabinet…in a very odd location.  How’d that get there?  Gentle tears of laughter!

A week after we lost Erika,  the town of Moore, Oklahoma, was flattened by a very rare and lethal F-5 tornado.  I have no right to put myself anywhere on the level of pain Moore residents are feeling. What I do know is my oldest daughter,  a Meteorology major at OU, would have been storm chasing, and witnessing firsthand so much devastation and tragedy had she not just returned to Virginia for summer break the week before.  While she was upset to miss a learning opportunity, I  thank God for keeping her out of harm’s way.  Gentle tears for those who have lost their loved ones, their homes, and their livelihoods. 

If that wasn't enough to think about, I also sent a note to Joshua’s 6^th grade teacher this week, to make plans for his birthday.  The cupcake fairy will rise again to deliver green iced cupcakes to the entire 6^th grade class.  They won’t know why they are receiving cupcakes, they will just gobble them down and be so happy someone did something nice for them.  They are mostly all 12 years old..the age he was…..this year he is his 15th birthday…...  Gentle tears for what we have lost; Gentle tears of thanks that we can see those icing-smudged faces.

The first year after Josh died, the girls wanted to bring some laughter with memories of Josh so they started the tradition of riding roller coasters on his birthday. This year they have chosen Busch Gardens.  So the plans have been made. Gentle tears for the empty seat beside me on the roller coaster; Gentle tears of thanks for having two very thoughtful daughters.

Later that afternoon we will take a short drive to Virginia Beach to feel God’s power, and watch the waves  crash into the shore and quietly recede.  In that moment, Brad and both girls will be standing at my side taking it all in with me.  Gentle tears of sadness that we will only be 4, gentle tears of thanks that I am with the ones I love!

So much sadness, but as I sit here and ponder these words, I remember that right next to me is Erika’s garden.  A piece of barren ground that she turned into a place of color and splendor much like it is now….. and when I think about what she did, I feel a smile creep up on my face.  A beautiful legacy enjoyed by many.

Your suffering is over now, and you are surrounded by the loving arms of those who love you!  Rest in Peace my sweet friend! Gentle Tears of Thanksgiving!

Very truly I tell you, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy.“A little while, and you will see me no longer; and again a little while, and you will see me.” - John 16:20

Hugs!

Sherri