A Little Bit Stronger

Joshua's Smile 2012

I was awake at 5:15 in the morning and realized so were the girls and Brad....why?  It was time to get ready for our 2nd Walk for Epilepsy without Joshua!  The night before all of us had broken down at some point realizing how much we missed our sweet ornery one, as well as what the walk means to each of us.  It's a way to try to do something positive from negative.  I know how deeply the girls are affected when they are up at the crack of dawn without prompting or complaint!

The weather was chilly as we gathered for our team photo, but true to form, I looked up to the sky and in my best maternal voice said, "Joshua....we really could use your help and a little sunshine." True to form, as we reached the Start Line, the sun came our and shined on us.  We were actually peeling off our jackets moments later. Thank you my little angel!  :)

Ninja Brothers

Moments into the walk I couldn't help but smile when I saw the Miller Ninja Brothers.  Two brothers with epilepsy who are champions for Living with Epilepsy.  Nothing helps a cause more than adorable heroes!

Fact of the matter is I caught all of us smiling throughout the day realizing how fortunate we are to have such a strong and enduring support group of friendship and love.  Many bereaved feel those around them are ready to move on with their lives just as the shock of our loss is becoming real and we need them most, yet somehow my family and friends have been able to move on with their lives while maintaining their support for us.  Josh remains part of the normal conversation when we remember our kids growing up and oftentimes, those memories of Josh bring great bursts of laughter.

The Board - Me, Erika, Staci, Catherine, and Barb

My AU roommates Gloria and Marcia with some of our kids.

So, here I am walking the 5k when I couldn't help but notice the many purple shirts walking with us.  Purple shirts signify epileptics.  Those wearing purple were young, old, married, single, mothers, fathers, sons, daughters.  I caught myself envious many times wondering why my son wasn't one of those who would grow up, fall in love, get married and start a family while wearing the purple shirt. This is one of those two steps back for every three steps forward, yet I'm still one step up every time. Baby steps...getting a little bit stronger!

Our sweet ornery Joshua

Of course, it wouldn't be me if there wasn't a song playing in my head that matches where I am at any particular time and the song  I kept hearing yesterday was "A Little Bit Stronger" sung beautifully by Sara Evans.   This song resonated so true to me...here I am 15 months out and while I am still struggling like crazy to keep breathing and moving, I get a little bit stronger.

I will always wonder what could have been, but I realize what is here and some of the whys. Why are we here? Raising awareness of epilepsy and SUDEP, appreciating what we had, making the most of every moment, and giving hugs!

Hugs! Sherri