Bless the Silly

December 14, 2010

Well, looks like I have a new morning routine.  Last night I slept pretty well.  I seem to sleep like that about every other night.  Last night as I started to fade, Stephanie came in and sat on the edge of the bed.  I asked her if she believed in God.  She said yes!  I asked her if she was praying….she said “constantly”, and I asked her if anything was bothering her.  After a few seconds of silence she shared tearfully that she felt she was disappointing us.  Her friends at school kept telling her to be strong for her parents which she was trying to do but she felt she was failing miserably and she wanted to know “what about me?”  "When do I get to be sad for me?"  I told her dad and I have one another to lean on and she need not worry about us.  Her time for her is now.

I asked her if she remembered when our friend Ellie came by the house the evening we lost Joshua and after sharing God’s word prayed for us including the prayer “Lord, we pray for those who say silly things, let us take it as heartfelt as it was meant to be”.

Earlier this evening I returned to my Bible Babes Bible study for the first time in a while and ironically they were studying the life of Job.  The ultimate example of suffering and loss there is.  We were at the part of the story where Job is so sick and sitting on the ashes while his “friends” sit around to keep him company all day.  They are telling him it’s his fault and saying other “silly things” in the name of encouragement.  How naïve these wealthy men were.

I have learned the well meaning things that caused me to think “silly things” are statements such as “if there is anything I can do for you, just call me” and “you are so amazingly strong, I could never be this way”.  My thoughts on these things….don’t offer, just do.  Mark an hour or two in your calendar about 2-3 weeks away and then call your friend and let them know you have set aside time just for them.  Perhaps you will help them reclaim their home following relatives who have stayed and gone, perhaps, you will provide them dinner, or perhaps you will sit and do nothing together.    As for "You are amazingly strong,"  I am not at all a strong woman, but I am Joshua’s mother and I will not embarrass him.  I am carried by the prayers of so many others lifting our names because left to my own choice, I would be in bed wearing the same outfit for the last week staring at photos and crying my eyes swollen shut.  They say 'that which does not kill us makes us stronger'.  I am not dead, so at some point I am bound to be superwoman!

So often when put into this situation, people don’t know how to react or what to say.  I am here to let you know your hugs say it all.  No words necessary!