Today was a good day! In fact, it was a very good day in a difficult year long journey that began when I went to awaken my ornery one and found he had gained his wings.
Joshua is the youngest of my three children. Yes, I have three children and while I have lost one from this world, I have two lovely daughters very much alive with dreams that are coming a step closer everyday.
My oldest daughter Brittany is a high school senior with big hopes and dreams. She has suffered greatly with the loss of her little brother Joshua; She has overcome grief induced depression to reclaim her bubbly personality. She has shown me a strength and faith that I am in awe of.
Brittany has long had dreams of becoming a storm chaser...it's all my fault. I let them watch "Twister" when they were little and she loved it. So did Josh, so much so, that one day in the grocery store, he let out a string of profanities that I recognized were from the same movie. My response? It sat on the shelf for two years until they could learn to use good judgement.
Now the day approaches, where Brittany will leave us in a less permanent way but it will be difficult for certain....more change....ughhh. Can't things stay the same? We have visited several campuses..... she knows where she wants to go, and I am panic-stricken....University of Oklahoma is sooo far from Virginia. I have already lost one child, how can I bear to lose my oldest and then her sister two years following? I am hyperventilating just thinking about this. If she needs me, how can I get to her quickly? If she falls and gets hurt, who will catch her?
I know in my heart what I must do. I have raised them to be self sustaining, independent citizens and now the time has come to trust my teaching and molding.
Today it arrived in the mail....the Holy Grail of parcels.....the acceptance to University of Oklahoma. I take the package to her and she opens it up and cries tears of joy...can that be? Joy? She wanted this so badly, has gone through so much this last year, and finally, yes finally, something is going right in her life. Her tears are contagious and I hold her in my arms as I have done since she was first laid in them almost 18 years ago. How can that be? She was just 4 yesterday.....
Later this evening, the house is bustling with laughter and teenergy. There are a dozen teenagers enjoying time together as they celebrate this holiday season. I say holiday as there are christian, Jewish, and other faiths gathered together to celebrate friendship in the season of giving. Her friend looks over at her and says, "Brittany, you look happy" She really does!
My younger daughter Stephi sits quietly reading with our new kitten nuzzling her neck. She is still discovering her dreams, but they are coming, and she is very busy caring for and taking charge of this new "stealth kitty". Thank goodness his collar has a bell on it so we can keep track of him. I thank God she will be here a little longer to watch over.
Today is truly a splash of joy in our lives. A dark cloud has threatened as I lament that one ornery boy is not here to show his excitement, but I can imagine him looking down and then leaping for joy and suddenly the darkness lifts.
This is surely the first of many good days...how will my heart cope with joy?
Hugs,
Sherri
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