Sunday, August 28, 2016

The Heart Can't Lie!

Stephi went back to college, Britt has settled and finished her first week as a Teacher’s Assistant/Grad Student in Illinois.  Summer is coming to a close and was uneventful.

I couldn’t quite yet figure out the funk I was in.  I was doing my usual stuff, reading the news, blogs, and Facebook with all the kids going to college and posting their high school senior photos.  I had no energy, no desire to do anything but binge on Netflix, didn’t want to hang out with friends, counting the hours until I could leave the office and return home.  Even going to Yoga was a chore…now something has got to be up!

We really are doing fine.  Brad and I are realizing how blessed we are to have a strong loving relationship that is standing the test of time…..25 years is quickly approaching.

The girls are doing very well.  Both are very caring, loving, smart, independent women making plans for their bright futures.

Why did my chest tighten and my heart start racing when mom scheduled family photos?

FINALLY, it hit me like a load of bricks……senior pictures!  I should be posting Joshua’s senior photos!  I should be replacing the photo frame on the wall in the living room with his senior photo just like his sisters. Our family photo should have 5 faces in it, not the 4 that would show up in a photo.

Our forever family!
Ugh!  Sometimes I’m so good at putting on the “Everything’s Fine, I’m Good” mask, that I think I have it all under control;  At least that’s what my brain says, but then my heart sets me straight!

Last night, I posted our family photo. It should be Joshua’s senior photo, but it will never be, and I am reminded of that every day.  But….when I looked at the photo and saw my two beautiful girls smiling back at me, my heart jumped with love! 

Looking back, it was pretty obvious, right?  But when you’re living in the moment, another day, it can be hard to see it.  

Loss will always be a part of my life, and I will learn to embrace it when grief bubbles from my heart and overtakes my mask, and it is OK!  I am just Fine!

Hearts will never be practical until they are made unbreakable!  ~The Wizard of Oz!