It's 2 am and I am wide awake thanks to a very loud storm that shook our house with every BOOM!
It's not all that unusual to find me awake around this time. When I was pregnant with each of the Newmanettes, I would magically wake at 3 am for snack and bio break. When they were born, they each kept that 3 am feeding for a long time.
I don't really mind it. I can get some "to do" things done and just take in the quiet of the house. I'm becoming comfortable with that quiet again....for the longest time, it reminded me of the quiet left behind by Joshua's death and it made me sad.
Now I take these moments to think, meditate and just be.
How far I've come in 23 months! It still aches beyond belief that my little one has gained his wings, but I'm starting to take in life again. It feels good to be able to do that.
The fog has lifted somewhat, though it is the one lingering noticeable thing people see in me. I once had a very good memory, and an uncanny memory for names; now, my memory is foggy at best though I still am able to remember names....God's doing, I guess. To compensate, sticky notes abound at my work desk though we have moved from "don't forget purse" to "Tasking A due Friday Do a,b&c".
When setting up future meetings at work, my boss was sharing with me her intention to cancel a meeting on November 19th since it was so close to Joshua's Angelversary. How touching is that? I asked her to keep it on the books but to be my stand in should I not be able to do it. I really don't know what to expect. Two years out and I still don't know how I'll react to things, but I'm learning with each one of them.
Stephi seems to be thriving with her school work and circle of friends. Driver's Licenses have brought great freedom and opportunity to her sweet friends. One Direction remains her obsession and I believe her coping mechanism to continuing on after the storm.
Brittany continues to deal with it in her own way at college and it hurts to not be closer. We had the opportunity to spend a weekend in Nashville with my mom and it was great on all accounts. Last weekend we Skyped for three hours as we watched our newest tv series obsession. It was kinda cute perching the computer with Brittany's face on a pillow next to me. Oh if only we could skype heaven.
I don't know if I'm in denial, packaging my feelings of missing Britt under grief for Josh, or just so happy that she's a flight away and I will see her soon, but I'm still so happy that she is off pursuing her dreams while I remain in a home that now has two empty bedrooms.
The storm outside has passed and there is once again quiet. I can't help but think how parallel this is to my life now. Another storm will surely come, but for now I will enjoy the quiet peace.
Hugs,
Sherri
It's not all that unusual to find me awake around this time. When I was pregnant with each of the Newmanettes, I would magically wake at 3 am for snack and bio break. When they were born, they each kept that 3 am feeding for a long time.
I don't really mind it. I can get some "to do" things done and just take in the quiet of the house. I'm becoming comfortable with that quiet again....for the longest time, it reminded me of the quiet left behind by Joshua's death and it made me sad.
Now I take these moments to think, meditate and just be.
How far I've come in 23 months! It still aches beyond belief that my little one has gained his wings, but I'm starting to take in life again. It feels good to be able to do that.
The fog has lifted somewhat, though it is the one lingering noticeable thing people see in me. I once had a very good memory, and an uncanny memory for names; now, my memory is foggy at best though I still am able to remember names....God's doing, I guess. To compensate, sticky notes abound at my work desk though we have moved from "don't forget purse" to "Tasking A due Friday Do a,b&c".
When setting up future meetings at work, my boss was sharing with me her intention to cancel a meeting on November 19th since it was so close to Joshua's Angelversary. How touching is that? I asked her to keep it on the books but to be my stand in should I not be able to do it. I really don't know what to expect. Two years out and I still don't know how I'll react to things, but I'm learning with each one of them.
Stephi seems to be thriving with her school work and circle of friends. Driver's Licenses have brought great freedom and opportunity to her sweet friends. One Direction remains her obsession and I believe her coping mechanism to continuing on after the storm.
Brittany continues to deal with it in her own way at college and it hurts to not be closer. We had the opportunity to spend a weekend in Nashville with my mom and it was great on all accounts. Last weekend we Skyped for three hours as we watched our newest tv series obsession. It was kinda cute perching the computer with Brittany's face on a pillow next to me. Oh if only we could skype heaven.
I don't know if I'm in denial, packaging my feelings of missing Britt under grief for Josh, or just so happy that she's a flight away and I will see her soon, but I'm still so happy that she is off pursuing her dreams while I remain in a home that now has two empty bedrooms.
The storm outside has passed and there is once again quiet. I can't help but think how parallel this is to my life now. Another storm will surely come, but for now I will enjoy the quiet peace.
Hugs,
Sherri
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